Against divorce #WomensMonth2015

17

Second of two parts

That is how little they think of Catholics apparently. It’s how badly they’ve taught their own flock about marriage and relationships.

Whose fault is that?

Responding to modernity
When in fact the other option is to make sure that you’re educating your flock better, that you’re shaping them into mature individuals who will not take marriage lightly. If you’re not doing that as a Church, then you don’t have divorce – or annulment, or legal separation – to blame for the rising number of failed marriages.


Because a Pinoy Church that’s doing it’s job would have nothing to fear in having divorce in the country. In fact the Pinoy Church would cease worrying about modernity—from Lady Gaga to One Direction, the internet to divorce —if they were doing their job well, and actually engaging the changing times instead of fighting a losing battle.

Of course, the first step has to be admitting that the battle has been lost. That instead of bringing more Catholics into the Church, they have disenfranchised so many who have found refuge in Christian groups and other denominations. Many others label themselves “non-practicing Catholics.” A majority will declare that they have their own relationship with God, and that he is in fact more forgiving than the Pinoy Church as we know it.

Millions came out for Pope Francis in January. That is because he operates on kindness and compassion, he is not one to question the way we run our lives, as he does implore us to be better human beings. He does not imagine us stupid or immature.

Meanwhile, in the Philippines, CBCP President Villegas talks about marriage in the worst terms possible. “While one can reasonably test-drive a car and replace it with a better one should the test-drive prove unsatisfactory, it is plainly dehumanizing to both spouses to allow for a test-run, through a first marriage, and then grant the possibility of a replacement of spouses should the test fail.”

Only someone who has not been in a committed relationship with another human being would imagine talking about love and marriage to be a matter of test-driving cars.

Worse, there is a lack of grounding in reality – both of cars and marriages. Because we all know that sometimes cars break down, sometimes we get a lemon. Sometimes cars get us into accidents, and sometimes cars can maim us and kill us.

The goal then has to be to get out of that car, to save your life and your husband’s, as well as your children’s. The goal is to get into separate cars if it means becoming better parents and human beings, because you have admitted your mistake, and are ready to move on from it.

Thank heavens for Pia
See, with a CBCP that thinks like this, it’s no wonder that those three male senators can joke about divorce and their wives, like it doesn’t mean anything at all to the 60 percent of Filipinos who agree that divorce should be made legal.

One can only be thankful that there is one Pia Cayetano, Senator of the land, who has taken a stand against the absurd presumption that we should take pride in being the only country in the world without divorce.

“I am of the belief that there is nothing to be proud about (the fact) we are the only country in the world that still doesn’t have divorce, that we are self-suffering, that we allow women, or men, for that matter, to stay in horrible relationships and possibly not even be good parents to their children, simply because our laws do not recognize they should live separate lives.” (Interaksyon, 25 Mar)

She asks: “The survey shows that the Filipinos are ready. The question is, are the Congress’ men and women ready to have the debate and to make a decision on it?” (GMA Network, 24 Mar)

Senator Cayetano is such a bright light in the midst of a Senate that is in crisis, becoming less and less credible as we speak.

Having Tito, Serge, and Bongbong joking about divorce does not help at all.

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17 Comments

  1. Dapat sa darating na 2016 uusisahin sa mga kandidato kung pabor o di pabor sa divorce para di na iboto

  2. Pete Gabriel on

    Common sense. That is what is lacking here in the Philippines. Unfortunately you can’t legislate common sense. The Catholic church in the Philippines contributes so much to the woes of the country. Birth control and planned parenthood, church is against that, legalized divorce, church is against that. The catholic church interferes too much with Pilipino lives, that is because the priest’s are protecting their rice bowl. They (catholic church & priests) have accumulated too much wealth and influence that they become part of the problem in advancing and uplifting the lives of the Pilipino people.

    • Justaskingseriously on

      Common sense? Yep. From the way you argue for common sense, you are urging non-catholics to move to another country where there are no catholics. Or you are urging the catholics to move out of the Philippines to some other country where everybody is a catholic.

      The absurdity of your argument for common sense lacks common sense. Why can’t you advocate for something else? Whatever that might be. Forget about common sense because it is not common the way you look at it. Try getting real. You are living in a democracy. Democracy entails a pluralistic and free society. No single group can advance its cause by pointing fingers at other groups. That is perhaps the common sense that is lacking?

  3. Afew comments here that are against divorce and Catholics ” Good for you guys, may you inherit heaven” but what about those who are not Catholics? and those Catholics who are in a failed marriage? A lot of women suffers in silence even those that are educated ( Dr. Loi Ejercito must have a big heart and a saint) . A lot of our laws were made by MEN, to benefit of MEN.

    • Justaskingseriously on

      Check out Republic Act 9262. It says “Anti-violence against WOMEN AND CHILDREN Act of 2004. Aren’t there men who are hen-pecked? What about them? Are you aware of any republic act to protect men who are also victims of violence? Time for the women legislators like Pia Cayetano to sponsor a law to protect the men they henpeck. Would they dare sponsor such a law?

      Check out the penalties against men convicted of violating R.A. 9262. Worse then divorce. With such penalties, is there a need for divorce? Possibly there is need if modernity means playing marriage like it was a game — of musical chairs.

  4. No matter. No Divorce is still the best options for marriages to remain stable. Catholic Church has never failed in its teaching the right values. It is the changing values and relativism of people who chose what is convenient and easy for them not what is right.
    Divorce like RH Law is a prescription for lower moral values and less concern for other people’s welfare. It is selfish and inward-looking perspectives. It is defeatist and encourages couples to choose easy way out in a relationship instead of trying to improve and look for things that unite them. I hope I wouldn’t see the day children confuse and develop inferiority complex as a result of divorced parents. Worse if they begin to entertain the idea that it is alright to get married and divorce later since it is legal and must be right.

  5. Ronaldo Valdes on

    Divorce is a best solution for a failed marriages.. We don’t have to live a very destructive life because of a marriage contract and religious belief.. Yes till death do us part, that is if you live long enough with an abusive partner..

  6. Divorce is actually the remedy to an unhappy marriage. It allows the unhappy couple to be happy again without each other and most likely spare the children from unhappiness too. Religion cannot dictate what is good for the individual as it cannot fathom what is happening in a home. One’s happiness with another person is a choice. I am a Catholic and I am supporting the proposed divorce law.

  7. sen. pia cayetano must have had a shaky married life that ended up fallen apart. no need to wonder why. those men and women who are comfortable with traditional way of married life are not pushing this hard, and also you will see them not void of modernity. when was divorce law become a symbol of modernity when it is being practiced since time immemorial, and even practiced by those people living in the thick jungle of the amazon that never seen a civilization…

  8. Please beware that annulment is not a solution to a failed marriage. if the annulment decision is appealed and then overturned it will be sealed with RES JUDICATA. this means that the case is closed and final and that no amount of bribery etc can get it overturned. Effectively you can never file for annulment again and you are married till death do us part even if you haven’t seen your ex for twenty years etc. the only way out is to gain PR status in a new country and obtain a new citizenship, then file for divorce there and then present your foreign divorce decree in the Philippine courts. Or one of the parties would have to die for the other to marry. these are not options but misery and a unwarranted death sentence one way or the other.

  9. Ok Pia, go for it that you may finally be free from your broken marriage which cannot be severed thru regular annulment for lack of basis.

    I’d like to point out that the author is precisely wrong in saying that the Church has lost this battle, it does not… and it will not… You are right there are many non-Catholic Christians today, but its the number of denomination that keeps growing, not the number per denomination. and mind you, the Catholic Church does not count its member per country, we are one and universal.

    At the end of the day, its not about having whose most number it is… it just like the bar exams, its not how many who take the bar that matters but how many passed the bar…

    I do not know if your Catholic, but there is a growing yearning and thirst for more Catholics to return its fading solemnity. yes there are still people who like the rock n roll worship, but more Catholics have seen the great difference of tradition as compared to materialistic modernization.

    At the end of the day, it is not really the church who is to suffer from divorce, but the real first casualty of this law are the Children…

  10. Justaskingseriously on

    Will you fault me for expecting women being extolled during Women’sMonth2015? Divorce is such a put down topic for women’s month. A put down for noble sentiments like commitment, fidelity to one’s oaths, mutual support, romance, growing old together. That last thing particularly evokes such sadness when a married woman’s last yearning to grow old together happens separately. No problem for you in that department. It is obvious that your middle and last names are still your family’s names.

    Will we ever read something uplifting for women from you?

    • Jaime Dela Cruz on

      Aha, the one commenter who understand the true meaning of Women’s Month. Thank you. Why indeed be missable and contemplate on issues like divorce. There are a lot of women’s achievement to celebrate.

      As far as ms. Stuart Santiago’s article goes,
      “Responding to modernity
      When in fact the other option is to make sure that you’re educating your flock better, that you’re shaping them into mature individuals who will not take marriage lightly. If you’re not doing that as a Church, then you don’t have divorce – or annulment, or legal separation – to blame for the rising number of failed marriages.”
      Church, Christians, or even cults have nothing to do with failed marriages or relationship. Failed relationships stem from the “me first” mentality that is learned at home. The values we learn from our parents always trumps the morals we hear from gospels, edict, mantras or whathaveyou. Legalizing divorce only makes getting out of a marriage easier. It does not guarantee a happy relationship. We ( you and partner) makes a relationship works. When we learn to give ourselves to each other, then divorce, even marriage becomes irrelevant. After all, they are only pieces of papers to make your claim legal on real property.

  11. Sen. Pia Cayetano is not the right person to illuminate this divorce issue. She is a victim of a failed marriage and not even Catholic. She will always be one sided for Divorce and will not care what Catholics will say.

    • Fergus Ducharme on

      Excuse me for having to say this; it just has to be said. Innocent, you have no idea what you are talking about. It would be better if you kept your mouth shut and would be thought to be stupid than to say silly & assinine things like you have said here and remove all doubt…

      The Senator is more than able to listen to both sides of the arguement and to make an intelligent and reasonable judgement as to what would be best for the Country. The fact that she is the product of a failed marriage on helps her in her quest for the best solution. She has been there and lived/suffered through it…And lastly, it doesn’t matter what religion she adheres to. She is there for the sole purpose of listening to all interventions and then to make a fair unbaised judgement in the best interests of all.

  12. Hurray for Sen Pia Cayetano! One woman standing! I admire the moral courage and the determination of the lady senator. Also, this writer has woman bravado of explaining things and going against the so called infallible teaching of the catholic church. Bishop Villegas of analogy of having car similar to marriage is very defective and funny. His idea is not well thought of and very naïve.

    • Ronaldo Valdes on

      Try to live on a failed marriages, where a man is a womanizer and abusive, or a woman is having an affair with another man… See if you like it.