Epidemiologists have found a new strain of the virulent P1Noy3 swine flu virus strain that they now call the Bola-bola strain. They found this new strain while examining the health of congressmen who were acting weirdly and were talking gibberish while passing the 2014 national budget. Health experts have warned that this virus could also infect the Senate that already has FMD (Foot and Mouth Disease).
The strain of the swine flu virus called P1Noy3 gives those exposed to it, mainly lawmakers and others regularly in contact with high Malacañang officials, an insatiable desire for pork. It blurs the eyesight, thus making one believe he is treading the straight path even when he walks like a drunken duck. This pathetic vision is exacerbated by addiction to video games.
Swine flu is common among pig populations all over the world, even in the Philippines, but the P1Noy3 strain was discovered to be three times more virulent than those in previous Philippine administrations. What’s more worrisome to epidemiologists was that a lawmaker immediately gets infected with it the moment he or she sets foot in Malacañang, which was traced to be the source of the deadly virus strain.
Now known as the Bola-bola strain that evolved from P1No3. When will this country stop suffering from plagues?
Medical experts have found out that the Bola-bola strain makes those inflicted with it readily submissive to manipulations and dictations even from Malacañang officials who are less intelligent but in control of their much coveted pork. They saw this in the remorseless yielding of Congress’ inherent power of the purse to Malacañang as long as they get more pork in time for the coming election. They also become more prone to make incredible claims and promises to the people. Their leaders encouraged them to do so with the assistance of conscript media and pollsters.
Another effect of the virus, according to the expert, is that its carriers go to extremes to cover up the inclusion of pork in the national budget by their pork bosses.
“They become totally deaf to the voice of the people who want abstinence from pork. They become congenital liars and want the people to believe that they have already abolished pork. Ironically, it’s this contention that led health experts to discover that these lawmakers are actually suffering from the new Bola-bola strain that emanated from the previous P1Noy3 swine flu virus,” epidemiologists Dr. Jose Dimaunahan said.
An examination of congressmen showed that 93 percent of them had already been infected with the Bola-bola virus. The examination showed that the lawmakers had very short attention span except when pork is involved. An analysis of their attendance indicated frequent absence in sessions unless pork is dangled before them at the session hall or in committee hearings. When asked what part of public service they like best, 93 percent unanimously replied: “pork!”
Dimaunahan expressed fears that the Bola-bola strain of P1Noy3 swine flu virus could infect voters before the elections.
“The voters who are easily swayed by promises of pork are more susceptible to get infected. They are likely to suffer from forgetfulness. Once they get infected, they would have slower brain function and forget their opposition to pork,” he said.
Like the P1Noy3 swine flu virus, there’s still no known antidote to the Bola-bola strain. Dimaunahan said the best way to avoid this strain is to kick those infected with the virus out of office.