Crystallize your role as a parent (Part 1)

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BETTINA CARLOS

BETTINA CARLOS

Last week I shared with you my parenting approach as well as my number one resource when it comes to improving and guiding oneself in order to teach and raise our children in the way they should go. This is by reading, studying and applying the contents of The Bible to daily life.

Today I will start a three-part series of titles which have helped me crystallize my role as a parent, effectively make Gummy feel loved and appreciated.

Dr. Ruth Chang’s How To Win Your Child’s Heart: 6 Ways to PARENTing with Confidence was actually the first parenting book that affirmed my church’s “Heart Parenting” approach by being an authoritative yet loving and intentional parent. It defined my roles through an acrostic that reveal concrete ways and areas to carry out my being a parent: Praise, Acceptance, Respect, Empathize, Nurture and Train.

Children need their dose of praise or words of affirmation that they are loved even though they make mistakes; that you recognize their efforts even if their first love letter to you is made of zigzag lines. This chapter humbled me and tamed the perfectionist in me.


It taught me that it is okay for things to be messy and not polished. I learned to recognize the efforts and improvements of my child and praise her for those.

The chapter on Acceptance taught me to celebrate the uniqueness of my child and acknowledge her strengths. It reminded me that my personal dreams, insecurities and expectations should not hamper nor affect my child’s potential. That I should not impose things or interests on her and instead let her explore the world on her own and simply guide her along the way.

‘How To Win Your Child’s Heart: 6 Ways to PARENTing with Confidence’ by Dr. Ruth Chang is available in all branches of OMF Literature Inc.

‘How To Win Your Child’s Heart: 6 Ways to PARENTing with Confidence’ by Dr. Ruth Chang is available in all branches of OMF Literature Inc.

Respect must be taught to children, regardless of how young you think they are, to be the basic component of any relationship; and that the amount of respect is not dictated by age. Not because a child is a child the amount of respect for them is littler than that you would have for an elder.

The most effective way to teach respect is by showing it —not only by using “po” and “opo” but also by recognizing their feelings even though the behavior that manifested it was inappropriate. And if you think that comparing your child with his/her friends will motivate them, no it does not. You are actually harnessing feelings of insecurity at a very young age.

Empathy is when you feel for and with your child. It is simply hearing them out, expressing to them that you do understand how they feel and also why they feel that way. It is not discounting their feelings just because it is over “spilt milk.” I learned to make Gummy feel that her feelings are important and they matter to me, even if at times I do not agree.

The nature of being a parent is in being a nurturer. To nurture is to teach our children how to eat, proper table manners and basic values. It is to show care for them by making time to be with them, doing art even if it is messy for you, playing with them with your phone away because it will be an interruption of your precious playtime; it is by exposing them to arts, music and sports, even if it may be costly because you are keen on determining their areas of interest. It is about talking to them about how their day went, their dreams last night and their plans for the weekend; by speaking to them words that bring life and build them up. It is by touching them, caressing and embracing them – “physicalizing” your love for them.

Finally, a parent’s ultimate role is to Train their child in The Way she should go – in the ways of the Lord (Deute­ronomy 6:4-9).

What does training consist of? Instruction, correction and modeling.

“Instruction is an ongoing process of helping a child do what is right.”

As parents we continually teach our children values and habits – how to act, talk, behave and respond in different settings. It is our job to teach them about boundaries, the negotiable and non-negotiable.

In this chapter I was reminded to make my instruction age-appropriate, and to extend my patience even more as my child will not completely comprehend things the first time it is told to her.

Correction is when inappropriate behavior or attitude must be rectified. To correct is always the goal of discipline, not to punish. There are different methods of correcting such as using consequences, taking away privileges and use of the rod.

One thing Dr. Chang wants us to remember is to always explain to our children why we had to discipline them, as well as give words of reassurance of our unconditional love for them.

Finally, to become an effective parent, we must be good models. I couldn’t emphasize enough on this in last week’s column. Children do what we do. We must be the models of the behavior we want them to have.

Parents, be mindful of what you say and do because your children will become who you are today.

To be a parent is to accept our children as unique individuals with unique gifts from God.

Our role is to provide them with the environment to realize the persons they are made to be, with the right guidance and wisdom from God.

Next week we will discuss Love, how you can effectively make your children feel it based on their Love Language.

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8 Comments

  1. The article was quite an awakening for me. I didn’t realize that I am nurturing them the wrong way already. Also, being a role model is a very difficult one, we sometimes tend to break the rules we created that confuses them. I will definitely be reading more of your article regarding parenting, its not yet too late for me to do the right thing.

  2. Valerie Macabeo on

    The most effective way to teach respect is by showing it —not only by using “po” and “opo” but also by recognizing their feelings even though the behavior that manifested it was inappropriate. And if you think that comparing your child with his/her friends will motivate them, no it does not. You are actually harnessing feelings of insecurity at a very young age.

    As a child, in my past, I’ve never been praised and most of the time, was being compared to other kids. The result of it is that, I’ve always had a low self esteem. Right now that I already have a baby, I want to teach him first the value of respect, specially when it comes to his feelings. I will never ever let my child feel those pain that I’ve experience just because my feelings/emotion wasn’t respected. I believe that you have to respect your child first, before you’ll get a respect from them.

  3. The most effective way to teach respect is by showing it —not only by using “po” and “opo” but also by recognizing their feelings even though the behavior that manifested it was inappropriate.
    -I’m very careful how I teach things or behaviour in my 4 year old daughter. I always told her that no matter what the situations she need to be honest to me in her emotions or feelings. I let her know I respect her and her feelings is very important to me, not to condemn but to correct with love and I see how she opens everthing to me even in her young age. I agree the effective way to teach respect is by showing it.

  4. “Parents, be mindful of what you say and do because your children will become who you are today.”

    As a first time mom, I admit that I am pretty scared of what life has in store for my baby and me. I got pregnant at early age and I know that I still have to learn a few (or more) tricks in parenting. This quote best describes my feeling, i should be the best version of myself and to grow with my baby as well. A baby’s mind is like a sponge, that is why we have to be careful on what we say and what we do.

  5. “The nature of being a parent is in being a nurturer.”

    We can sometimes be caught up in the web of parenting dos and don’ts, strategies, styles and even techniques in raising our children that we may lose sight of that which is most important. This particular point you raised is a timely reminder to me of the heart of parenting. To nurture my children is to love them and care for them and to encourage their growth so that they will reach their full potential. The goal is not to push them to perfection but to ensure their progress and development by providing them with a healthy venue to learn and be excellent, to become better and better every time. It is said that once growth stops, decay begins and what a joy to be in that position to speak and bring life in the lives of my children by being a nurting parent to them.

  6. Anne Villegas on

    “The nature of being a parent is in being a nurturer.”

    This really struck my heart since I’m a single parent, trying to be brave in front of my daughter, trying my best to give her everything to make her happy, and give her all my time in the world without compromising other things like work. Despite of being a single parent, I never saw it as a burden but as a challenge from the Lord and at the same time this is His way of showing that He trusts me and I trust Him. He is so faithful to me because He brought out the best in me when I was in my darkest days of being a single parent and at the same time doing my school. Most of the times, I cry my heart out to the Lord asking for help and He answers me thru other people, whenever they comment how good and God-fearing my daughter is. And this is all because of the Lord, I cannot nurture my daughter if God didn’t poured His love, faithfulness, grace and mercy to me.

  7. “To be a parent is to accept our children as unique individuals with unique gifts from God”- i have learn to accept this with the help of my husband. Our first born started schooling in June and I was the one busy teaching him with his school homeworks and all. However, report cards didn’t show what i was expecting. I got disappointed, but I realized and learned a lot. One things for sure; I will definitely love him whatever grades he will bring us home.

  8. After reading your article,i can say that i am so blessed and inspired..i learned a lot from you..thank you so much.