Medical experts have warned the populace of a new virulent strain of the dreaded yellow fever found in the House and the Senate. They said that unless an antidote is immediately found, the health of the country will be in jeopardy.
These experts had found earlier a new strain of the swine virus emanating from Malacañang which they called the P1Noy3 strain. While symptoms of the old virus strain develop from one to three days after exposure, those of the new more powerful P1Noy3 strain become evident on the very second one enters Malacañang or gets in contact with high Malacañang officials, lawmakers, and officers of bogus nongovernment organizations. It’s most unmistakable symptom is the insatiable desire for pork.
Now, after several years of feasting on almost limitless pork, the country’s lawmakers are diagnosed to be suffering also from yellow fever. Medical experts said they were convinced that our lawmakers have this acute viral disease after watching them during the State of the Nation Address of President BS Aquino The Last, I mean The Third.
“A symptom of the yellow fever is to clap oneself silly upon hearing a leader wearing a yellow pin speak,” said Dr. Jose Dimaunahan, a health epidemiologist.
He said that what he saw at the SONA was even worse. Even before they could hear the President speak, the lawmakers were already clapping like crazy and were giving him a standing ovation.
He said that those suffering from this viral disease could no longer discern what’s true or false.
“As long as the statement comes from the leader with a yellow pin, it will be taken as gospel-truth by these patients,” he added.
Now, senators and lawmakers who regard as true all statements coming from a yellow leader could prove to be a plague to the nation. When a much delayed, inadequate and inefficient government response to a calamity is bandied about as an accomplishment of heroic proportions – and the lawmakers accept it and even applaud it, then heaven help the Philippines indeed!
Another dreaded consequence of the yellow fever, according to Dimaunahan, is the unquestioning obedience of its carriers to their leader with the yellow pin.
“They lose their independence. They’re like slaves who’ll obey the wishes of their boss. They’ll even consider critics of their leader as enemies of the state,” he stressed.
He lamented that as long as the carriers are well-fed by their yellow leader, they’ll oppose any attempt to cure them of this dread disease.
“Yellow fever, if untreated for a long time, could result in their inevitable political death although I’ve heard that they have already found an antidote in PCOS,” he said.
Dimaunahan named the new yellow fever virus strain the “DAP” or Delusion and Aberration at the Palace. He said that the “A” could also stand for “Abnormality” but he stressed that he still had to consult other experts if it already amounts to that. Another said DAP really means Delusions of Absolute Power.
“There’s a queer effect of DAP. Other diseases cause nausea and vomiting among its carriers. In the DAP strain of yellow fever, not the carriers but those who become aware of it are the ones nauseated,” he added.
He said a bright note is that the poor and the unemployed have developed immunity to the yellow fever virus.
“We have found out that those who avoid the leader with the yellow pin like the plague have been completely free from the virus,” he said.
The Palace, meanwhile, shrugged off the warnings of the health authorities. They maintained that the DAP strain of the yellow fever is in fact beneficial to the people. They even proposed infecting more people with the virus “in good faith” to hasten the economic development of the country.
Back to the SONA
So as not to be called an enemy of the people, let me cite a completely true statement of BS Aquino The Last, I mean The Third, in his SONA: “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”
Nobody quarrels with this dictum. However, I wonder why the President should mention it while giving more fish to the people through the dole-out Conditional Cash Transfer Program of the Department of Social Welfare and Development. This huge increase in the dole-out program comes while the Philippines wallows in the lowest rung of unemployment rate in Southeast Asia.
Oh yes, he did speak about creating new jobs but not about the bigger number of unemployed and underemployed under his watch. And why are more Filipinos seeking jobs abroad? Ah, but that’s not worth mentioning in the SONA.