Diligencer’s lighter side

Emeterio Sd. Perez

Emeterio Sd. Perez

IN the spirit of Christmas, Due Diligencer is taking a break from the usual stuff that appears in this space three times a week. In the spirit of Christmas, it’s time to forget corporate that most of the time is about other people’s money. The jokes here are dedicated to my brother, Delfin, who turns 70 today.

Father Jose Manuel Paras SDB of Saint John Bosco Parish at Santa Rosa City told this joke. A wife asked her husband.

“Did you marry me because I am beautiful?

“Did you marry me for my flawless skin ala porcelana?

“Did you marry me for my beautiful body?”

To which the husband replied: “I like your sense of humor.”

Well, Father, the husband could have answered differently had she asked him if he married her for her money too.

* * *

A woman won a few thousand pesos in a Christmas raffle. She went to Quiapo church to thank God.

When she entered the church, she chose a seat near the altar. She knelt down.

“Thank you lord for the blessing,” she murmured.

Then she put her bag on the seat. In a pew behind her, another woman was also praying. When she saw the bag in front of her, she also thanked. God.

“Salamat po Diyos ko. Dininig no ang aking panalangin. (Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayer).” Thereafter, she took the bag and hurriedly left the church.

After the first woman discovered she lost her bag, she knelt down and prayed again:

“Diyos ko naman. Sabi ko po hati tayo at nangako po ako na magpapamigay ako sa kapwa ko mahirap. Bakit n’yo naman kinuhang lahat.” (Translated: My God. I said we share the money equally and I promised you I would give your share to the poor like me. Why did you take it all?)

* * *

A young priest was hearing the confession of an old woman.

“Bless me father for I have sinned,” the woman recited the usual introductory prayer. “My last confession was 40 years ago.”

Then the priest interfered. “I was not yet born then?”

“Yes, I know. I waited for you to become a priest. I am your mother.”

* * *

Confession 2
Here is another version of the same joke.

A young priest was hearing the confession of an old woman.

“Bless me father for I have sinned. My last confession was 40 years ago.”

He did not wait for her to recite her sins.

“For penance, you say five Our Father, five Hail Mary and five Glory be to the Father.”

“But father,” she protested. “I have not yet confessed my sin?”

“I know your,” the priest said. “I am your son.”

* * *

A foreigner and his Filipino friend were walking along a street in a city in Metro Manila..

The foreigner asked his friend.

“Why are there so many food wrappers along the road?”

“We Filipinos don’t eat garbage. The Filipino answered. ”In your country, do you eat food wrappers?”

* * *

Here is a benefactress who showed her generosity to a goddaughter by gifting her with books.

When the child learned to read, she gave her an ABC book. The mother was delighted and thanked her.

When the child went to school, she volunteered to buy her the books she needed. Again, the mother thanked her.

This generous benefactress continued giving her goddaughter books even when she was in college. The mother never forgot to thank her.

When her goddaughter finally graduated from college, she gave her “Imitation of Christ.” She did not expect the mother’s reaction.

“Ito lang?” (Only this?)

* * *

Here is a poser which is not an original idea of Due Diligencer:

“How many are we in the family?” a child asked his “kuya,” an older brother in the family, who was a college student.

Then Kuya counted the members of the family. “Our father, our mother, you and our two sisters. So we are six all in all in the family.”

Then came the final poser.

“Kuya, paki-translate sa Ingles: Pang-ilan ka sa apat na magkakapatid?” (Sorry. I myself cannot translate this into English.)

* * *

Finally, Happy birthday to Jesus the Holy Child. To the readers of The Manila Times, may His birthday bring us more blessings in 2015 as we thank Him for what He has bestowed us in 2014.


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  1. icyhairysneerer on

    salamat po, Mr. Perez! the best!

    seasons greetings to you and your family!

    wish ko sa mga insiders, sana wag masyado greedy,kawawa naman kaming investors na public.