Emperor Know-It-All, or Emperor KIA, a special child who came to be called a man of destiny, had no use for his council of ministers. He seldom consulted them because, as a straight “C” student in a school for the elite, he knew more about everything than his ministers did.
He was understandably furious at predictions that he would go down in history as the purveyor of a virulent strain of swine flu virus called P1Noy3. He wanted to be known more as the emperor who followed his conscience. He said that as long as he followed his conscience, he could do no wrong.
He sent his opponents to exile because his conscience could not tolerate their presence. He turned a deaf ear to complaints on abuses of his leaders because his conscience would not allow him to turn his back on them. He continued to raid the royal treasury for distribution as pork because his conscience told him this would benefit the empire. His conscience told him to love the poor. He obeyed this by making more of his subjects poor or even poorer.
His subjects accepted everything emanating from the palace while they were suffering from yellow fever. Lately, the outbreak of this disease had eased and most of the patients had been cured. This enabled the cured subjects to realize that the palace had been taking them for fools, that they were being fed with lies and myths.
The latest ornery issue from the palace pertained to the emperor’s reign. Like the ruler of Malaysia, the post of emperor in his country is elective, and his term was about to end. He used to say that he was counting the days when he would leave the royal palace and return to private life where he could play computer games as long as he wanted without being bothered by work.
He once said that his conscience had advised him to abdicate his throne because the sad plight of his subjects had worsened under his reign. Now, he is angling for a longer term. How could this sudden change of heart be explained without affecting his credibility as a man who obeyed his conscience?
“Simple. All we have to tell the people is that there is a lot of conscience in the royal palace and that His Royal Highness has more than a dozen of it,” a court jester who masqueraded as the royal spokesman said.
Alas, they found out that this explanation wasn’t well received by his subjects. The people of the realm were becoming more disenchanted with the emperor’s unbridled distribution of pork to those infected with the P1Noy3 strain of the swine flu virus. They want the kingdom to be rid of the hated pork but the emperor was heedless. They were also bristling at his protectiveness of miscreant ministers and his vindictive bent on critics.
The growing disenchantment of the subjects was a major problem to hurdle in Emperor Know-It-All’s desire to stretch his reign.
“Why should you seek a new term when the latest survey showed your subjects were cursing you and your reign?” asked a sage who’s not yet infected with the swine flu virus.
“That survey was undertaken by an outfit owned by relatives of my opponents so it’s not credible. What’s more important for my second term is that I have a miracle potion called PCOS,” he said.
Unknown to majority of the people, Emperor Know-It-All had been suffering from a debilitating disease much worse than swine flu. He had coughing fits intermittently and when the coughing got worse, he made himself scarce to keep his ailment off the prying eyes of his subjects. So, it came to pass that what his critics had failed to do—oust him from the throne—his dread disease had succeeded. He died of this ailment before the end of his term.
His Majesty Emperor Know-It-All often said he was ready to die anytime because he had already given his best in serving his subjects, and that he had always followed his conscience in all his decisions. Thus, when he succumbed to this dread disease, he strode like a peacock into the Pearly Gates, confident of being reunited with his parents. After all, he had always followed his conscience
To the Emperor’s surprise, St. Peter barred him from entering Heaven. He protested and sought an explanation from the Gatekeeper.
“It’s because you have no conscience. You merely followed your selfish desires and tried to give it a moral aura but you can’t fool me,” St. Peter said, as he pushed the emperor down to Hell.