• The Emperor’s sister strikes back


    The beautiful unmarried sister of the Emperor was very depressed. Public outcry against the rule of her beloved only brother was growing at a time when his health was deteriorating.

    She had tried to keep her dejection to herself but failed to check her emotions when the Emperor delivered his State of the Empire address before a joint session of buffoons.

    “The cigarette is worth living for,” he said solemnly in between coughs.

    Then, turning emotional, he added: “The cigarette is worth dying for.”

    It was at this point that she started to wail, as if she had lost again a new lover.

    She knew of her brother the Emperor’s precarious health. His worsening condition is known only to most intimate relatives and friends. It has been kept away from the prying noses of the public, the Emperor’s supposed “amo” who they believe has no right to know or be informed.

    The people didn’t know of his severe coughing spell when he went to the South supposedly to boost the morale of his warriors fighting rebels. He hid himself from the public eye for many days until his departure for the Palace where he appeared pale and gaunt. He also made himself scarce for days before he visited another empire, for the same reason. In both cases, his mouthpieces cited national security for keeping mum on his whereabouts.

    Many had warned the Emperor on the dire effects on one’s health of smoking but he ignored them. This made the sister admire him even more. She said that their late parents had reared them to hold on to what they believe to be true, and he believes that smoking is beneficial, that only commoners could get sick from smoking, not those with yellow blood like him.

    “He really is a man of conviction!” the sister said.

    She pointed out that even when majority of his subjects want the empire’s leaders to abstain on eating pork the entire year, he continued to shower his men with pork.

    “That’s the mark of a true leader. He doesn’t hesitate to make a decision and to hold on to it even in the face of spirited opposition,” she said.

    She laments, however, that despite his sacrifices for the empire, to the extent of smoking himself to ill-health, more of his subjects are becoming restive.

    Her lament became even more vehement at his State of the Empire Address when she saw his critics parading themselves for all to see their peach-colored clothes. This color is much hated by all with yellow blood because it signifies opposition to the Emperor.

    A media man said that she shouldn’t be so dejected because only about two dozens of almost 300 buffoons used that color.

    “The Emperor enjoys almost unanimous support of the buffoons. They were applauding even his lies,” the media man noted.

    She said this didn’t satisfy her because not one of the buffoons wore yellow, the official color of the royalty.

    She vowed to go all-out asking people to support her brother and to broadcast all of his achievements in good governance. She expressed confidence that all media outfits friendly to the Empire will give her campaign full coverage.

    “I have more right to talk than them because I pay more taxes. Those who pay less tax should talk less. No tax, no talk,” she said.

    Actually, nobody can stop her from talking even if she’ll be paying less tax. In her talk show, she out-talks her guests who are forced to listen to her talk about herself. No wonder, she’s called “Queen of Talk.”

    She said she would ask all people to wear yellow to show to her ailing brother that they are all for him, that he remains very popular despite claims of the noisy minority. She echoed the Emperor’s diatribe that all those wearing peach and railing at his reign are enemies of the empire and, therefore, against progress.

    About two weeks after her campaign for yellow color, she saw that only a few were heeding her call.

    Asked about this lukewarm reaction of the public, she shrugged her shoulders: “I’m only joking.”

    Then, a loyal follower came running, telling her that more than a million people, all wearing yellow shirts, will meet the next day to demonstrate their support for the Emperor. The follower said they want her to give a long talk at the demonstration.

    “Tomorrow? Not tomorrow. Tomorrow is the Empire’s Orgasm Day and I want to make up for the days that I was celibate,” she said.



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    1. Sobra na!Tama na! Palitan na!Penoy doesn’t deserve the allusion to an emperor. The sister is nothing but a good for nothing egocentric tripper banking on the infamous family name. They should be
      Made servants to experience the true sufferings of the people everyday. She’s truly a horror minus the queen title and an insult to all media.

    2. Kahit kunti lang ang tax na bayad ko basta nagbabayad ako I have the right to criticize government officials because it is my right under the Constitution! Kris you are a great reader why don’t you read what was written in the Constitution para alam mo kung ano ang right ng mga tao!

    3. The sister of the emperor is always everywhere – queen of media kuno. Artista daw sya, at pinipilit yong anak na maging star din kagaya ni Ryza ni Vic. Puro gamitan!

    4. Of course she will defend her treacherous sibling…it’s her obligation. She is fully aware of her brother’s reputation as a snake oil salesman…the ultimate carpetbagger…the slick opportunist, the scavenger of wealth that did not belong to him, who fed on the rotting carcass of leftover kill…the country won’t miss him when he moves on to write his “memoirs” … it will contain no self deprecation I’m sure, just a bunch of horse manure about his “accomplishments.”
      See you later, alligator! The Filipino translation of this beast (buwaya) has meaningful connotations. In a while, crocodile. Your fifteen minutes are up!

    5. Very good observation. I for one is questioning why media people keep referring to her as the Queen the media?? .Too much cow towing to the Yellow family , I still maintain had her mother not became President she will never be in the movie industry.

    6. i already shorten my comments..kasi, liit lang ang tax ko. sabi ni mam kriz, konti lang karapatan ko mag talk…

    7. gabriela silang on

      hahaha…nice piece lakay…and it’s really piercing through! kudos to the president. cough cough cough and all those ills by smoking deter him not for he lives by the lines of the national anthem – “ang mamatay ng dahil sa yo”!

    8. we pinoys are noted for still being able to laugh even in the midst of a crisis. we are in a financial crisis with all these money that was supposed to help our economy being used for personal purposes. Your analysis has always a tinge of humor which is very good. as my mentor at toastmasters international once told me, “always insert some humor!”. This is excellent writing!

    9. P. Akialamiro on

      If I were a screenwriter, I’d like to make your story into a movie: “The Empoeror’s Sister Strikes Back”. But, it may be a losing proposition because this emperor may be “The Last” and there may not even be a sequel.

    10. Great piece, which is whimsical and which is serious? What about writing a piece solely on the virtues of the most beautiful sister in the Ph? I thought she would have made a better president than the only brother because she made a big success of herself compared to the bro who has not amounted to much until he discovered, or was made to discover his holy calling of being the president much needed by the Ph. I am now more convinced the beautiful sister would make a much better and virtuous president.