• Full mental jacket



    Every time I read the news about a particular senator, I couldn’t help but think of one good movie by my favorite director Stanley Kubrick: “Full Mental Jacket.”

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    I foresee this famous lawmaker writing a book on how to besmirch the reputation of anyone who catches his fancy. He always reminds me to play Santana’s “Evil Ways” every now and then.

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    The Philippine Red Cross seemed to fittingly sing an Elvis song to this “Pambansang Panggulo”: “You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog, Cryin’ all the time. You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog, Cryin’ all the time. Well, you ain’t never caught a rabbit and you ain’t no friend of mine.”

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    If found guilty, the recommended bail for Aquino on cases filed by the Ombudsman is

    P30,000 for graft and P10,000 for usurpation of official function. One can’t help but say “eh di wow!”

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    Since it’s Oktoberfest, I am sharing my beer quotes from my vintage keg depository:

    “Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, “It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.” -Babe Ruth

    “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” – Lyndon B. Johnson

    “When I read about the evils of drinking…., I gave up reading..” -Paul Horning

    “24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.” – H. L. Mencken

    “When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we

    commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!” – George Bernard Shaw

    “Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

    “Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” -Dave Barry

    “Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C….!” -W. C… Fields

    “Remember “I” before “E,” except in Budweiser.” -Professor Irwin Corey

    “To some it’s a six-pack, to me it’s a Support Group. Salvation in can!”- Leo Durocher

    One night at Cheers, Cliff Calvin explained the” Buffalo Theory” to his buddy Norm:

    “Well, ya see, Norm, it’s like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine! That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

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    IMHO: A better Interpretation of the law is not about what was written but the reason why it was written.

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    A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

    After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, “I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles.”

    “She did,” he replied. “But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?”

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    Government and private workers to get bigger bonuses. The 13th and 14th month pay and the other benefits of almost all government workers will not be deducted with taxes.” I can already see the mall Taipans and big retailers grinning from ear to ear.

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    Grateful Rody Duterte thanks Vladimir Putin for Russia’s weapons’ aid. A good statement directed to Donald Trump to up the ante when they meet next week.

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    Vice President Robredo said she is not really interested in the presidency. She said the same thing when offered the slot last year. She said that she will continue her stint at the House of Representatives as a congresswoman. We all know what happened after.

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    Pope Francis said relying on nuclear arsenals to maintain a balance of power “creates nothing but a false sense of security.” Any use of them, even accidental, would be “catastrophic” for humanity and the environment, he warned. Peace and security among nations must instead be inspired by an ethics of solidarity.

    What this Pontiff is saying is that all nations should adopt total nuclear disarmament. Nobody is safe even with the status quo. We agree.

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    A history of sexual harassment issues are now being floated in media. Harvey Weinstein, Richard Dreyfuss, Kevin Spacey, Steven Segal, Jeremy Priven, Brett Ratner, Louis C.K. are among the celebrities claimed to have made sexual advances to their victims. And now, even Mariah Carey is being accused of sexual harassment by a bodyguard. The alleged predators are mostly in denial of their actions and pose serious questions like “why only now?”

    Why not ask their lawyers?

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    I was trying to recall if there is anything originally Filipino in celebrating Christmas but found myself lost. After being occupied by Spain and the United States for years, I can only say that we kept the tradition and practice the same way they do. From Spain came the words “Misa de Gallo, Noche Buena and Media Noche.” White Christmas is American, and so are Christmas trees decorated with colored balls and lights that glitter. Santa Claus with his reindeers is expected to descend from the chimney to secretly stuff children’s socks or stockings. Smoked hams, grapes and Queso de Bolas grace our dining table as we all sing “Silent Night, Jingle Bells” and the likes.

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    The only things I found that are truly Filipino are bibingka, puto-bumbong and the giant parols of Pampanga. But celebration is just a part of Christmas. Doing good things all year round is the most valuable gift that we can give to our fellow Filipinos especially those who have less in life.

    Good work, good deeds and good faith to all.


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