• Hurry Fatters and Drug Lords of the Rings

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    ROLLY G. REYES

    ROLLY G. REYES

    NEWS: Bato–Holidays ‘generally peaceful’ but nine stray bullet cases recorded. Public is hoping that there will be less stray bullets victims the rest of the year.

    I wish 2017 will free our country from decades of endless bickering among political Gryffindors and Slytherins, stop businessmen drinking greed potions, drop those corrupt witches off their broomsticks, snap some of our countrymen out of unproductive ideological trances, and wave the magic wand to make that Filipino spirit spellbound in making our country prosper once and for all.

    * * *

    Tips on how to choose a camera:
    A camera should be able to see clearly at night. It should not be clinical or bland. Its images should have a character, not screaming with technicals. It should make you feel at ease. It should be an extension of your limbs, a substitute for a pen when you want to write a poem and should be agile enough not to keep you outbalanced.

    It should not be limiting but responsive to your instincts.

    It should allow you to take control, not the other way around. It should be an energetic warrior even at ISO 6400. A camera is good if it does not demand much processing. If it makes you smile glancing at the images after a long day’s work. The real school of photography is in the streets and not inside a classroom. Shoot for pleasure, not for reviews. It should not be a technical marvel but a pulse meter that thrives on precious moments.

    * * *

    The clan’s surname is RANTE. The eldest was named FLOR and she was happy. The second was named MIG and it worked just fine. But not with the youngest. He was named IGNO.

    * * *

    New Year is life’s counter. Usually numbered 1 to 100, it stops clicking when one’s thumb is not there anymore.

    * * *

    Learning is always the connection between the Past and the Future as we link them Today.

    * * *

    PNP chief ‘Bato’ wishes drug-free Philippines in 2017. Mercury Drug does not agree.

    * * *

    Not much firecracker noise in Bulacan compared to last year. People busy eating and texting. Smart and Globe quietly celebrating up to now.

    Fireworks and firecrackers on sale now. Just go to your nearest police precinct for sizeable discounts. Vat-exempt and easy lay-away plans as well.

    * * *

    Nowadays, we rarely hear beauty pageant contestants say, “to promote world peace.” They realize it is an impossible task to achieve. Even high school scrapbook mottos like “to serve humanity” is a thing of the past. No, we do not live in a “lost planet.” More likely is the fact that we are constantly searching for each other all the time.

    * * *

    A Facebook wall is like a house. The owners opened the door because you are a friend or an acquaintance. They treated you with respect when you came in, offered their hospitality and shared their thoughts with you. They listened and kept quiet when they disagree with some of your thoughts because you’re a guest. Now when you returned the favor by ranting, disagreeing or loudly making noise in front of their other guests, and your action or behavior becomes offensive to some who share the hospitality, that is rude and not “friendly” at all. Do not stray into the corners of the hosts’ house to search for things to complain about. If you cannot behave and would insist on imposing your bratty attitude, then it is time for you to voluntarily leave to say and do your thing in your own abode and not wait to be thrown out into the street. If you say that you were just having fun, we can also say that we’re “having fun” as well locking you out. This is the year of the Rooster. Crow decency and stay perched.

    * * *

    Why Dr. Jose Rizal will not make it as a President today:
    He will be accused of immorality by the CBCP for having too many girlfriends and wives.

    He will be declared a threat to national security by the DND, DOJ and the National Security Council because he could possibly ignite a revolution.

    He will not be qualified to run as he is not an adopted child of a famous movie star.

    Although a natural-born Filipino, he will be questioned on his residency as he stayed too long in many countries outside of the Philippines.

    He will be a target of the Ombudsman for plunder and corruption due to unexplained wealth.

    He will not get the support of the Left because of his extensive travel to America and Europe.

    His oath of allegiance will be questioned since the two books he wrote were done in Spanish.

    He will be slapped with tax evasion cases by the BIR for his undeclared income from various professional fees (doctor, lawyer, journalist, dentist, anthropologist, novelist, ophthalmologist, sculptor, painter, etc).

    Even if he came from a well-to-do family, he cannot afford today’s expenses at current exchange rates.

    His lifetime savings are now demonitized.

    His US visa will be reviewed, being part Chinese.

    He cannot be substituted by a fellow named Crisostomo Ibarra or Simoun when he files his candidacy.

    “Dynasty” will be an issue with lots of relatives because of his long name – Jose Protacio Alonso Realonda Mercado Rizal.

    Finally, he will not survive an ambush in a place called Bagumbayan by a death squad which call themselves “the Davao Guardia Civil”.

    * * *

    Somebody told me that he hated his job because he was not doing anything. Another one told me that he hated working as he was damn tired after being busy the whole day. The third told me that he treasures being jobless as he’s got so many things to do. Scratched my head and walked away. Aahhh….the human race.

    * * *

    Popular computer games of newsmakers:
    De Lima: “Flight Simulator”
    China: “Space Invaders”
    Manny Pacquiao: “PacMan”
    Putin: “Tetris”
    LP: “X-Men”
    Yolanda victims and SAF44 families: “Angry Birds”
    PNP and PDEA: “Call of Duty”
    Duterte vs De Lima: “Mortal Kombat”
    Appointed movie personalities in government:”Starcraft”
    Anti-Marcos burial protesters: “Rise of the Tomb Raider”
    Leni Robredo on the presidency: “Final Fantasy”

    * * *

    “People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.” – Anonymous

    Good work, good deeds and good faith to all.

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