A STRANGER who went inside an open church for a few minutes of contemplation found a bulging wallet in the pew in front of him. Since no one else was in the church, a question promptly rose in his mind: Was this a temptation of the devil or the answer to a prayer?

What would you do if you are in the stranger’s situation? What if some people are trying to pull a trick on you and you’re caught for dishonesty? But what if there’s none and the wallet is yours for the taking?

Life is not infinite. We all must choose, whenever possible, where to invest our energy-to do good or bad? Many of us were raised with the belief that being good is the best choice. To achieve deeper fulfillment in life, we must contribute to the general goodness of the society. The trouble is that, when the time comes, it becomes doubly difficult for us to do what is good.

Doing goodness to others is an admirable trait. And it is important that we are willing to do it regardless of circumstances, whether someone is watching or not.

I’m sharing this not to emphasize what is patently obvious (because common-sense is uncommon), but rather as a preamble to the “face theory,” which according to Stella Ting-Toomey is a metaphor for public self-image or face working that “refers to specific verbal and non-verbal messages that help to maintain and restore face loss and to uphold and honor face gain.”

I mean, if you are a public figure or a respected member of the society, would you risk damaging your face (or reputation) by taking that bulging wallet out of its lawful owner? In another situation, would you risk being caught on camera with a sex worker or losing millions of pesos in casino games?

In on-line dispute resolution, the face theory is found by researchers Jeanne Brett, Maria Olekans, Ray Friedman, Nathan Goates, Cameron Anderson and Cara Cherry Lisco as an important strategy to help resolve a dispute between unhappy customers and online retailers, like eBay.

The researchers adopted what they call as “language-based” approach using the perspectives of “face theory” essentially telling disputants not use words or any statement in their communications that tend to attack the other party. For example, when filing a claim or complaint, an unhappy buyer is encouraged to use polite words that preserve the positive self-image or face of the seller or vice-versa.

The study examined more than 386 eBay-generated disputes with results showing that expressing anger or any negative emotion, and attacking the other party inhibited the progress of any dispute resolution negotiation.

I know this for a fact. As a former court-annexed mediator accredited by the Supreme Court, I have experienced how harsh and abrasive language used by any of the litigants can adversely affect the mediation process. That’s why in terms of practical implications, I would caution the parties in my opening statements to strictly observe decorum and avoid attacking the other’s face either by showing anger or expressing contempt.

Now, how would you apply the “face theory” in other contexts? How does the “face theory” be applied to an employee who is unhappy about the annual performance rating given by his boss? How about in a situation where a student is dissatisfied with the final grade given by his teacher?

Is there a negotiation problem with your customer or business that irritates you at the moment? Are there work relationship issues in your workplace or community that you feel should be addressed?

When you are in management and you feel like your negotiation with the employees’ union is going nowhere, ask—”Have I used abrasive language in dealing with the union, its members, or officials?” Chances are you did in some ways in the past.

Remember, spotting a problem is easy. But solving a problem is hard if you attack the “face” of another person in the process of pursuing your interest.
 
Rey Elbo is a business consultant specializing in human resources and total quality management as a fused interest. Send feedback to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or follow him on Facebook, LinkedIn, or Twitter for his random management thoughts.