As a 20s working girl decades ago, I remember always thinking that my office mates who were in their early 40s then seemed so oddly eons of ages older than me. It was often embarrassing in fact, to call them by their first names, thinking that I should be obliged to add “Tita” or “Aunt” before their names as a sign of respect. Ironically, you never really give middle age a thought until you actually find yourself in the cusp of mid-life.

As many of my friends and I have been celebrating our mid-life birthdays, it’s odd how many of us did not completely plan for nor foresee where we are, who we’d marry, or who we’d turn out to be. In fact, when I go through my high school yearbook, I’m often amazed at the little surprises of who turned out unexpectedly successful, good-looking, and settled in so many different corners of the world. For many of our friends, it seems as if middle age redefined our passions and life plans. I guess, sometimes, there is the overwhelming urge to live the “Been there, done that” motto—and this is exactly how many of our friends have been sailing through middle age.

A few months’ back, my husband and I celebrated a friend’s 46th birthday at a bar called Aposento in Makati. Crammed into such a small stage were college friends reunited as a college rock band. That evening, each of them played their hearts out to the music of the ‘80s, seemingly oblivious to their day jobs. On the saxophone was a US-based neurosurgeon who played like a pro. There too performing was a UP law Professor and Harvard grad, wistfully beating the drums like anything. In the midst of this all, was the birthday celebrant himself, an architect, strumming his electric guitar whilst belting out the lyrics of our much-loved ‘80s playlist. That night, everyone played on as if no time had passed since their last college performance. Then again, there’s my college friend, a practicing psychiatrist, who five years ago began pa-ragliding as a hobby, and now, has been flying to far off places and jumping off mountains as a professional paraglide.

It’s funny too, how my friends have been teasing me about going on a hiking trip and trekking the caves of Sagada soon. This suggestion however, though straightforward also comes with the clincher: “Go now before it’s too late!” Lest you think that they are suggesting the Rice Terraces might be extinct soon, well, think again. They teasingly say that by time I decide to go in a few years, my nimble legs would have given way, and it will just be too arduous for a middle-aged mom like me to go on a hike!

I suppose the mid-life years offer a broader range of life choices to consider, often with a strong demand for one to grab that opportunity. The psychologist, Erik Erikson, succinctly captured the challenges of middle adulthood, which he related as the struggle for generativity vs. stagnation. Erikson conceived that there is a compelling need in mid-life to contribute, to be productive or creative, to be proud of the successes of oneself, one’s spouse and children, to adjust to the changes in one’s well-being, and to develop healthy relationships; whereas, the lack of fulfillment of these will lead to feelings of frustration and dissatisfaction with oneself.

Maybe, in the erstwhile pursuit of happiness in mid-life, my friends and I have realized not to simply seek for fame, fancy titles, or fortune. For most of us, it may be that the pursuit of what has meaning and what we truly love is that which matters after all. Whether it’s family, friendships, or frivolity, finding oneself in mid-life means to pursue one’s life plans with as much audacity and faith as you can muster. And in my case, Sagada might just be the one frivolity I might pursue soon.