OFTENTIMES when we are asked to describe our personality, we answer by illustrating our: temperament (cheerful, optimistic, modest, shy, friendly) or behavioral traits (trustworthy, dependable, reliable, diligent, thoughtful) or beliefs (I am, therefore, I will. If there’s a will, there’s a way. Live and let live) or career (engineer, doctor, manager, architect, accountant, programmer, machine operator) or lifestyle label (parent, wife, husband, single parent, son, daughter).

That is not you in a big way according to Michael Maccoby, author of Narcissitic Leader. He studied the psychoanalytic teachings of Sigmund Freud, the psychoanalyst and social philosopher Erich Fromm and sifted through decades of experience inside corporations, working with CEOs both as a consultant and psychoanalyst and came up with a psychological portrait of today’s business leaders.

Maccoby describes the new leaders as erotic personality, obsessive personality, marketing personality and narcissistic personality.

I know a really very nice guy, the president of a company. To his quiet consternation, the COO would publicly declare, “He was hired to do as bidded. He’s such a fine man, he would easily conform.” Indeed, he is a kindly old man exuding gracious old world urbanity. He is very friendly and good-natured. Every day he inquires about the well-being of everybody. He is cheerful. He brings food items for everybody like rice cake, bread and viands. One time, he interrupted a heated debate among executives with an offer to buy everybody lunch. Employees go to him when they have problems, even financial. He is very generous and always extends a lending hand even when not asked. He wants to be addressed as “father.” He always does the accepted thing. He obeys the rules without question. He is president, but he easily gives in to the owner and the surrogate COO. He is subservient to their orders. To him, the boss is always right.

Maccoby would surely type him as erotic and portray him further as:

• They love to chat up friends and gossip about what’s going on.

• They are what we call “touchy-feely,” always asking you how you’re doing, wondering if they can lend a hand or help you through a hard time.

• They press for the intimate or emotional details of your life, and they want to be included in your inner circle.

• They like to turn the office into a surrogate family where everyone is allowed to be heard and voice their opinions and feelings.

• The downside of the erotic personality is dependency, in all its forms: neediness, emotional clinging, an inability to leave a bad relationship, and what is popularly known as “codependency.”

• Subject to brushfire enthusiasm and instant gratification. This makes them particularly vulnerable to addiction.

• Dominated by the fear of loss of love and are, therefore, especially dependent on others who may withhold their love from them.

• The erotic strength of trust can turn into the weakness of unquestioning gullibility that leads to inevitable disillusion; erotics often feel used by people who let them down.

• Erotics are unable to make tough decisions, to risk being disliked. They want to please and are often afraid to take a stand for fear of losing their popularity (or their job), making it hard for them to be effective leaders.

• They are the cuddly father figure, the permissive parent who wanted to be friends with his team of people instead of demanding discipline and accountability.

• Their need to be liked, to be the good guy in the office, gets in the way of having the aggressive energy—the “balls”—to go after new business, negotiate tough deals and advance his career.

• They would rather be liked than admired.

• If they sense that you are not on their side, they will have nothing to do with you, making it impossible to have any kind of relationship with them.

The result of all these: erotic personalities are loved but not respected.

Let’s talk about the other personality types according to Maccoby.

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