IF YOU happen to have a daughter whose boyfriend has an unpopular family name such as those who have been reported in the media to have committed some heinous crimes like murder, rape, kidnapping, or human trafficking, how would you save your loved one from the “sin by association?”
What if your only son is engaged with the daughter, for instance, of someone reputed to be the ‘pork-barrel queen’ or a mass murderer?
Tough questions, indeed! But what if the surnames are not as well-known as ‘the pork-barrel queen’ or mass murderer, would you go to the extent of checking the files of the National Bureau of Investigation before making a difficult decision of confronting your son or daughter? That’s assuming you can do it on your own.
These days, many people are playing around with their names by spelling them backward. Look at some of your friends on Facebook, and you’ll discover how foolish they have become. Sometimes, you can’t avoid but be puzzled why they do it.
When the world was young and when the founder of Facebook was not even born yet, when I was a teenager and a bit foolish, I must admit I experimented with “Yer Oble” to make it foreign-sounding, if not to avoid the radar of the parents or the big brother of my crush from identifying the writer of those love letters.
However, “Yer Oble” was very easy to decipher even for a fifth-grader because I was too probinsyano (simple-minded) at the time. But that’s not the point of this article. The point is—really, how would you handle a situation when your daughter or son is deeply in love, if not engaged with the kin of an alleged murderer, drug trafficker, rapist or perpetrator of other heinous crimes?
Let’s modify the situation. What if your beloved daughter or son is involved with someone whose family has amassed unexplained wealth? Would your answer be the same?
The first and easy thing to do is a background check via an online search. I mean, you can do it right now inside the comfort of your own home. There’s a background checker available in this country, which is reportedly ranked as 118th out of 160 on the NationMaster Government Corruption List. I can’t make any recommendation here as those who offer their professional services can afford to advertise, anyway.
But what I’m saying is that—before confronting your loved one, you need credible information to back up your claim. Hire a local background investigator to gather all valid and legal data that you need. That is, if you can afford to pay. But what’s the value of money if you want your son or daughter to be in the right place and happy at the same time?
After all, marriage is much more important than hiring someone for a corporate job. Therefore, if you bother doing a background check for applicants before hiring them as employees, the more reason for you to validate the criminal record, credit rating and previous relationships of someone who aspires to be the spouse of any of your children.
I know that many of us here rely on Bathala (God knows and He will provide). On the other hand, there are those who fear the unknown more than the known facts. That makes it difficult for some engaged couples to weigh things, so they do what they can: say a lot of prayers.
I wish our government authorities, including the church, would provide us with some studies on who got married and how they did it over the years. It would be interesting for us to know the percentage of and the reasons for long-lasting relationships and the break-up of couples a short while after their marriage.
Now, if your daughter or son can’t be prevailed upon, then, it’s up to you to do the extreme by sending him or her to a far-flung country where you have a relative willing to help you solve your problem. Whatever it takes, don’t do honor killings as practiced in some countries.
So the next time your son or daughter insists on maintaining a romantic relationship with a person of dubious origin, insist on your parental authority and concern. Remember that most of the time, crimes happen among friends, and much more between lovers.
With friends who have unpopular surnames, who needs enemies?
Rey Elbo is a business consultant specializing in human resources and total quality management as a fused interest. Send feedback to firstname.lastname@example.org or follow him on Facebook, LinkedIn, or Twitter for his random management thoughts.