|
All of us are products of our past. As children, we
were the beneficiaries or the victims of those who raised us. If we
were fortunate, we got a good upbringing and the solid values and
work ethic that came with it. We built our lives on these blessings.
If, however, we were born into
grinding poverty and a home where chaos and cruelty reigned, than we
were wounded. If we were abused physically, verbally and even
sexually then our wounds were deeper still. And we carried these
wounds into adulthood unless we were somehow able to heal.
The effects of our wounded-ness
can be very serious. What is more, those consequences will be
carried over into the relationships with the ones we love. Example,
I know a wealthy man who was born into poverty. When he was a
youngster he would buy a piece of chewing gum and, at the end of the
day, he would put it in the refrigerator. The following morning, he
would put a bit of sugar on the wad and chew it for another day.
Now, that is making the best of your neediness. When he made his
millions, he still behaved like a poor man. There were few lights
permitted in his house. He refused to buy air conditioners. The food
was mostly canned goods. The list goes on and on.
A good man, he remained locked in
his past. He would not give of his abundance to his family. He was
stingy and his children resented him. I was able to help him because
he was sincere and well-meaning. By helping him to make connections
with his past, he was able to change his ways and behave in a more
appropriate manner.
Often, people get stuck in the
past. They replay their patterns of behavior over and over again.
And they do this without understanding where it is all coming from.
In my counseling, I am very
focused on the past, especially childhood. Therein lie the roots,
the beginnings of our behavior and our thinking. If you can discover
those roots, you will better know yourself and be better prepared to
make the connections between the past and the present. In so doing,
you will come to realize that you remain trapped in the past. Your
knowledge and insights, however, will show you the way out.
There are those who refuse to
look into the past because of the fear of what they might find. Not
everyone wants to know about the past. Many would rather not have to
relive the ugly memories that have haunted them over the years. They
do not understand that it is only in facing reality, regardless of
its ugliness, that freedom will be had.
It is truly amazing how, when we
are willing to face the ghosts of our past, they vanish and are
unable to hurt us anymore.
If you have problems about
drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or
825-1771 or e-mail me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box
2099 MCPO, Makati City.
|
