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“TED couldn’t stand it when I would look at
another guy,” writes a wife, “so I stopped looking. Then he
started imagining I was looking, and I knew I was in trouble.”
Right! When a woman cannot even look at another man without her
husband getting jealous, it’s true that her relationship is in
trouble.
Anne Jones and Susan Schecter, in
their book When Love Goes Wrong, explain this attitude of jealous
husbands: “Many women told us of partners so insecure, so
uncertain of themselves, or so jealous that reassuring them became
for the women a full-time job. And despite all their efforts to
compliment, soothe, comfort, support and strengthen the fragile ego
of the controlling partner, these women reported failure. He
remained insecure and uncomfortable. Why?
“Male privilege again. It
entitles a man to be cared for by a woman, all his needs and wishes
fulfilled.” Many men fully depend on the wife to keep them
comfortable and take care of their everyday needs. And the women
comply because of tradition. Women have traditionally been made to
serve. Serve the family. Serve the husband.
While there is no problem with
that, the difficulty arises when the husband abuses the kindness,
the dedication and, yes, the loyalty and fidelity of the wife.
Jealous men are often womanizers and cheaters. Because they cannot
imagine themselves to be faithful, they project their thinking onto
their wives. Because they themselves look at other women in a
lustful manner, they cannot believe that when the wife looks at
another man she can do so without malice. This, even if infidelity
is the farthest thing from the wife’s mind.
Add to this the thinking that the
man is the head of the house. He’s the boss who must always have
the last word. There are husbands who behave like domestic tyrants.
They don’t listen to other opinions and, if they do, they
disregard them when it comes to decision-making.
It is this sense of entitlement
that causes a man to behave like a little dictator. It is what makes
him feel that he owns the wife . . . and the children too. Any
challenge to his authority is met, not with understanding, but with
stern looks and harsh words. It should not, therefore, surprise
anyone if this kind of man believes he owns the wife.
He behaves decently only when he
knows he is in control. He expects the wife to care for him first,
the children later. He won’t say this directly, but his reactions
speak volumes about what he is thinking.
For men like this, the basis of
their security is the woman’s subservience, her dependence on him
and her adoration of him.
If you have problems about
drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or
825-1771 or e-mail me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box
2099 MCPO, Makati City.
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