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PARENTS have many expectations of their children. Why we often get
disappointed, however, is because so many of our expectations are
unreal. I say unreal because they cannot realistically happen.
For example, we expect our little ones to be
sensitive to others. Since sensitivity to others is such a noble
character trait, we want it and expect it of our kids, even our
youngest ones.
The fact is that many of us are insensitive to
our children. We shout at them when we lose control of ourselves. We
expect them to obey us even when we are unreasonable. We step on
their feelings when they run contrary to ours.
Then we expect them to be sensitive to us and to
others. Children learn from us. They copy much of our behavior. Our
thinking has an enormous impact on them, for better or for worse. In
fact, when we meet a polite, sensitive child, we immediately think
that his parents must be like that too. In the same way, when we
come across a youngster who is impolite, callous and without
manners, we also think about his parents and imagine him to be like
them.
Second, we often expect too much from our
immature children. There are some parents who try to push their kids
too fast, too far. They expect their preschoolers to study hard when
their minds and bodies are not ready. Though their brains are still
developing, parents often expect their children to behave and be as
sensitive as their elders.
There are even parents who overprotect their
kids and spoil them. Then they expect them to behave in a mature
manner and to be independent-minded. The kids are pushed in one
direction and then expected to behave in another. This is why I say
that we often have unreal expectations.
A father takes his young son out with him to a
party, drinks with him and then expects the boy to drink with
moderation. Or, you might have heard about the parent who womanizes
with his son and then gets disappointed when the boy grows up, loses
control and becomes addicted to sex.
We also expect our kids to get along. We get
irritated and disappointed when they fight. Yet, they see us
fighting all the time. It’s like, “Do as we tell you to do, not
as we ourselves are doing.” It just doesn’t work. We might not
want our kids to embrace the double standard, but when we ourselves
are into it, it is unrealistic to expect them not to follow in our
footsteps.
The education of our kids, the values they will
live by will be learned not so much by what we say, but rather by
the way we live our lives. It is unrealistic to expect it to be any
other way.
If you have problems about drugs, alcohol and
behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or 825-1771 or e-mail
me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com
or write me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati City.
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