|
VERY often, we do not want to talk about something
that might upset the one we love. Consequently, we remain quiet but
bothered. Later on, we run the risk of the situation boiling over
and causing damage that could have very well been prevented if only
we had initiated a dialogue.
Perhaps the one you love has a
habit that irritates you or might even be a threat to your love.
Maybe he drinks too much but you are hesitant to talk about it for
fear of losing him. This happens all too often, especially in the
early part of a relationship when the bonds of love are not yet that
strong.
Failure to address the issue puts
more stress and strain on the couple. Frustration builds as the
partner wants to talk, but somehow cannot bring herself about to do
so. When she does bring up the issue, there will most likely be more
emotion and that can mean trouble.
I remember a woman who was
getting very irritated because her boyfriend was almost always late.
Worse, he would not call to advise her that he would be delayed. For
quite a while, she said nothing and pretended not to be bothered
when she really was. Finally, she could no longer handle her
feelings and lashed out at him with a fury. The guy was shocked and
could not understand why so much anger when he was just late by a
few minutes. Actually, her outburst was more about an accumulation
of many late dates she had never talked to him about. This latest
incident was simply the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s
back.
Or, you might be upset because
your partner is continuously picking on one of your weaknesses, but
you remain quiet in order not to start a fight. The day comes,
however, when you can no longer contain your disappointment and
irritation and you lash out at him. He cannot understand why you
waited so long to tell him about how you felt.
This reminds me of my own lack of
communication. Years ago, I handled a group of men. One of them had
the habit of coming to the dinner table dressed only in basketball
shorts. For weeks, I didn’t say a word for fear of offending him.
Finally, I could no longer handle it and asked him to put on a
shirt. When I told him he offended me with his lack of respect, he
was deeply apologetic. He went and put on a shirt and that was the
end of the matter. I could have saved myself a whole lot of stress
and pain if only I had told him much earlier.
I think this happens to most of
us. We want to be kind and decent. We hate to offend and make
enemies, so we remain quiet as we continue to heat up inside. It
would be a lot better if we would move early on and speak up in a
calm and controlled voice.
If you have problems about
drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or
825-1771 or e-mail me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box
2099 MCPO, Makati City.
|
