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WHEN Paul and Julie get up in the morning,
they have one thing in common: the first thing they do is to think
of each other. In fact, the two are so obsessed with each other that
they spend most of the day obsessed with each other.
Paul and Julie are high-school
students. They are classmates and they are quick to tell anybody who
will listen that they are very much in love. So in love that they
spend more time together than they do with their own families. They
are on the phone for hours when they part, and even after an evening
together, when they get home, they call each other and talk deep
into the night. You wonder what it is they talk about, but they
manage somehow to find things to say.
They see each other almost every
day and spend weekends together, often preferring to skip time with
the family in order to be at each other’s side. They are behaving
as if the “dye is cast,” as they say, and they are destined to
marry someday.
This closeness can get in the way
of their studies. The old people who have seen much over the years
know this and frown upon such relationships. My wife’s grandfather
who brought her up gave her a choice when she was in college:
“Your boyfriend or your education. . . . “She broke off with her
guy and became a scholar. No distractions.
When two young people get
seriously involved, the chances of becoming sexually active increase
tremendously. Their emotional closeness spills over into the sexual
realm and it becomes increasingly difficult to stay out of bed.
If and when they do become sexual
with each other, many complications arise. The sexual activity tends
to create blind spots in their relationships. They miscalculate the
depth of their love. They confuse the good feeling of sex with true
love. After a while they find it hard to understand how much of what
they are feeling is love and how much is lust.
In a situation where it its
difficult to be objective, their sexual involvement makes them even
more subjective. They start thinking of an early marriage even if
they are not at all ready for such a strong commitment.
Too much courting and steady
dating too soon isn’t healthy. Better that we parents encourage
our children to grow up before playing the mating game.
If you have problems about
drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or
825-1771 or e-mail me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com
or write me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati City.
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