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SOME people just cannot wait. Take
lovers who are courting. They are often so possessive that they feel
that they own each other. This, even if they are still unsure if
there will ever be a wedding. Unsure if they will ever exchange vows
which should then give them a measure of security and allow them to
lay some kind of claim to each other. Untested and untried love
won’t do it. Of course, you can try telling this to young lovers
who are convinced that their love is as solid as the Rock of
Gibraltar. When people fall in love, the good feelings that result
can be very deceptive. Lovers always overestimate the level of their
love. They consistently believe with an unshakable belief that their
love is made in heaven and is destined to last forever. Sometimes it
is and it does last a lifetime. Most often, however, there is at
least a measure of disappointment. And shattered dreams and
unfulfilled expectations are the norm. It is this conviction that
their love is unbreakable that causes so many couples to act like
married people when marriage may not even be in the cards.
High-school students in love talk and often behave as if marriage is
inevitable. It isn’t, and when an early marriage does take place,
more often than not, it is unhappy if it does survive. Still, there
is jealousy and an obsessive possessiveness that is pervasive in a
great many of these relationships. It isn’t wise and neither is it
healthy. Courtship is a time to explore. It is a time for looking
into POSSIBILITIES. When couples get into courtships, if they have
the attitude that it will and must be forever, they will do all in
their power to hang on to the relationship when all the evidence
indicates that they should walk away and look for their happiness
elsewhere.
This is why
the “I own you” attitude is so devastating, so unhealthy. Why it
works against the couple’s well being. The healthy courtship
always need to have an “escape clause” built into it that allows
either lover to end the relationship for any reason. Nothing in
courtship is sure until there is an exchange of vows at the altar.
Until that happens, nobody owns anybody. Or at least that is the way
it should be. When a man has the “ownership mentality” before
the wedding, that is a red flag for the woman. She can expect to
walk from the altar and into an emotional cage after the wedding.
Marriage is supposed to be a union of equals where both have equal
rights and nobody owns anybody. It is a union of two persons who
voluntarily abide by their marriage contract, not because they are
forced to but because they want to. Love, not constraint, is what
marriage should be about. Anything less isn’t true.
If you have
problems about drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office
at 820-6107 or 825-1771 or e-mail me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write
me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati City.
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