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IS jealousy healthy in a relationship? If you ask me,
I think it’s perfectly fine if it comes only in small doses. I
want to share this story with you that just happened recently. I was
a bridesmaid at my good friend’s wedding. While in line waiting
for the wedding march to be played, there was this gentleman who
came up to me asking if I was a model. I replied in the positive and
when he learned of my name, he asked me again if I was related to
this Mr. Betita, who managed a casino in one of the hotels in the
city. As soon as I validated this, he started talking to me some
more saying he knew my uncle and that they worked together in some
projects.
As our conversation went on, this
lady whom I assumed was his wife entered the scene. Naturally, her
husband introduced us, but she did not smile at me. She made sure
she did not stray away from her husband, occasionally giving me a
stern look. I knew immediately what was on her mind. I’ve been on
both sides of the fence once upon a time, so to speak. I am a woman
and a woman knows. I also wanted to make her feel that there is no
reason for her to be jealous, if at all she was. Her husband is an
outspoken and friendly person, which may have been mistaken by his
wife as flirtatious. Of course, it’s a different story if her
husband really flirts with other women even in her presence, but as
far as I was concerned, it was just a friendly conversation.
Nothing can kill a healthy
relationship quicker than jealousy. It is a fear-based emotion that
colors your perspective on everything. If you find yourself feeling
jealous all the time, chances are that it has more to do with you
than your partner. These tried and tested steps will be your guide
to put a stop to jealousy in a relationship.
• Love yourself. Insecurity
breeds jealousy. When you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s
hard to believe someone else could. You project these doubts onto
your partner, and then you become suspicious. Self-confidence is
jealousy’s kryptonite.
• Heal your wounds. If you have
been abandoned or cheated on previously, then you may still be sore
from the experience. Forgive (if you can) and move on. Let go of the
past before it ruins your relationship.
• Trust yourself. Have
confidence in your ability to choose a partner who wouldn’t
deliberately hurt you. Have faith that you can handle whatever
happens. Relationships involve risk. You may get hurt but you will
survive.
• Stop comparing yourself to
others. You’ll never feel like you’ll measure up if you
constantly pick yourself apart. There will always be someone with a
bigger better whatever. The sum total of who you are is what makes
you special.
• Focus on what is and not what
could be. Jealousy is often the fear of something that hasn’t even
happened. You have no foundation for these thoughts other than your
insecurities. Stay present in your relationship instead of worrying
about hypothetical situations.
• Trust, trust and trust your
partner. If you constantly fear that your partner will leave or
cheat, you will drive away the person you love. Jealousy makes you
controlling and unattractive. Stop jealousy in your relationship by
always giving your mate the benefit of the doubt.
If there is even such a term as
“ healthy jealousy,” then I am for that. Sometimes, I catch
myself also getting jealous when my fiancé makes an innocent
comment alluding to a beautiful or sexy woman, but then again, I
totally understand that this is normal, for as long as he doesn’t
intentionally hurt or disrespect me.
For school, office and
individual workshops, e-mail patty@pattybetita.com
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