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IT is truly amazing how unbalanced we become when we get angry. We
don’t get crazy in the strict sense of the word, although when we
fly into a rage it may seem so. We do, however, become unbalanced.
The degree of imbalance varies, depending on the intensity of our
anger.
I say this because when we get angry, we tend to
focus on the issue at hand. We isolate it from the whole and this
causes us to overreact.
Example. The one you love comes late for a date.
You have been waiting for an hour. You show your anger by raising
your voice at him and uttering a few choice-hurting words. You are
so focused on your irritation that you forget all the good things
that you have going in the relationship.
Your outburst pains him and he responds with his
own outburst and angrily reminds you of the times that you made him
wait. The result is a bad beginning to what was supposed to be a fun
night out. All this because you overreacted.
You could have let it pass and shown more
understanding. Besides, if you truly love each other, why risk
creating a disturbance in the relationship when you could have
picked up a newspaper and caught up on your reading.
If you look back at your angry outbursts, you
will find that few of them warranted the degree of anger that you
showed. Most were exaggerated if you compare the reasons for your
angry responses.
Though there surely are circumstances that
justify anger, we often cross the line with our responses. The
mother who smacks her 3-year-old son because he keeps moving around
is clearly overreacting. So too is the father who gives his son a
major sanction for a minor offense.
This is when imbalance takes place and threatens
to upset the relationship. Though the imbalance might be temporary,
still it is an unnecessary overreaction that causes damage that
could have been avoided.
It is an undeniable fact that conflict erodes
any and every relationship, and heavy conflict destroys even the
most solid ones. If anger is not resolved and is continually
expressed without resolution, it marks the beginning of the end. No
relationship can be battered day in and day out without eventually
collapsing. It is like constantly pounding the foundations of a
house. Sooner or later, it will come crashing down.
When we get angry (as we surely will) we need to
be careful and be aware and not allow our responses to become
overreactions. Not easy, but essential if we are to keep our
relationships happy.
If you have problems about drugs, alcohol and
behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or 825-1771 or e-mail
me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com
or write me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati City.
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