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WHEN looking for the man you intend to spend the rest
of your life with, you have to be insane not to scrutinize very
carefully any candidate for marriage. The rest of your life can be a
very long time indeed. That is almost like betting your fortune on
one business venture.
Some people are so cavalier about
choosing a partner that, for them, it is more like playing the
lottery. They hope to win big, but, since they believe in luck,
chances are that they will lose.
Like those women who are such
strong believers in romantic love that they accept everything the
guy promises them as an accomplished fact. The man might be jobless
for years, but he tells her that he has lined up a number of work
opportunities. Instead of waiting for him to show her what he can
do, she is so desperate for “love” that she would rather feed
her dream and take his word for it. She cannot bear the thought of a
possible failure of the relationship.
Which brings me to a huge red
flag. Let me say that you are not ready for courtship if you are not
ready to possibly see it fail. The very nature of courtship makes it
impossible to succeed every time. After all, courtship is a trial
run to see if the real thing (marriage) can work reasonably well.
That being the case, you must never exclude the possibility of any
courtship failing. To do so is to close your eyes and refuse to see
those negatives that would cause any reasonable woman to walk away.
It means that you could become an emotional suicide ease. By this, I
mean that you could proceed with a marriage that is sure to end in
disaster. The facts, the signals are clear, but you refuse to
acknowledge them even if you can see them. You will hope and pray
for the miracle of change to happen, and when it doesn’t you will
blame God for not delivering. You will blame your parents and
friends for not stopping you from going ahead with your wedding even
if all of them were shouting “Don’t do it! Back away!”
You need to have self-confidence
if you intend to get into a love relationship. It means that you
know you can get another man if this guy does not work out. It means
that you half-expect that he will not come up to your standard even
if you do like him and are hoping for the best.
Another problem exists if you
have your mind set on marrying your first love. If so, you will do
anything to drag the guy to the altar even if he clearly isn’t the
man for you.
There is a lot of emotion and
sentiment that is present in a new love relationship. To walk into
one with a preset idea that “This is it! This is my man” is the
height of folly. You might succeed in getting what you wished for
(the wedding), but you might also inherit a disaster.
If you have problems about
drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or
825-1771 or e-mail me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box
2099 MCPO, Makati City.
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