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PARENTS have so much power over their children that
it’s scary. They can easily uplift them or damage them for life.
What is so tragic is that, more often than not, parents are only
vaguely aware of how they impact on their kids.
When they constantly put down a
child with words that hurt, those words are burned into the heart of
the youngster and remain there forever. Parents can be incredibly
destructive and cause their children all kinds of problems that can
last a lifetime.
I was again reminded of this when
I read a journal of one of our Nazareth House residents. A very
bright attractive woman who excelled in school, the words and
actions of her insensitive mother contributed much to the problems
she is presently struggling to overcome. This can be seen in her
writings:
“Asking for help and getting
turned down is one fear of mine. I have always thought that I would
only ask for help when I know that it is readily available. If I
thought that there would be complications, I’d rather do without
and deal with my difficulties.
“All my fears bring me to my
past. First, being turned down for help has been very traumatic for
me. I remember a few instances when I just got separated from my
husband and traveled abroad with my parents. During the trip, a
friend of the family talked to me about a possible business venture.
My dad agreed to shoulder my part of the deal on condition that I
repay him later with my share of the profits. I agreed.
“One night, my mom came to my
room, insulted me and said that I was unworthy of my father’s
help. Having just been separated from my husband, my mother just
shattered what little hope I had to redeem my low self-esteem. After
that incident, I never again asked help from my mother.
“In my family, all help has to
be paid back one way or the other. It’s like a business venture.
That’s why I find it difficult to ask.
“When my marriage collapsed it
was my biggest failure in life. My whole world crumbled because my
family also saw me as a failure in every aspect of my existence. It
was never the same after I eloped and had a bad marriage. My mother
never spoke to me in a decent manner, never trusted me as before and
never wanted to be with me after my husband entered the picture.
“It wasn’t long after my
separation that I really saw and accepted myself as a failure in the
eyes of my family, never to get redeemed. It’s not surprising that
I fear the thought of failure.”
See how devastating parents can
be! See how insensitive and cruel! If only we could somehow forbid
incompetent couples from having children, I would be all for it. The
way some parents hurt their kids is criminal. They crush their
children and devastate them at an early age.
The Bible says we must honor our
parents. But what about parents? They should be honorable. They
should be lovable if they expect to be loved. The Lord never
intended parents to destroy their children and then be thanked for
it. There should be another commandment: “Honor and love your
children.”
If you have problems about
drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 8206107 or
8251771 or e-mail me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box
2099 MCPO, Makati City.
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