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IF you want to have and maintain a beautiful and meaningful
relationship/marriage, you will have to exert a lot of effort.
Falling in love is so easy that you don’t even have to try. It
just happens. Keeping that love alive and vibrant over the years is
something else.
You just don’t fall in love and forget it.
There are too many people who believe that their love is enough to
carry them through. Not so. Love is great in creating an initial
momentum.
New love is exciting, overwhelming even. It can
make your heart skip a beat. It can cause you to believe that there
is nothing, absolutely nothing, that cannot be overcome. That your
love not only can but will conquer all. No question about it in the
minds of the lovers.
If that is so, why do so many relationships
fail? Why so many broken marriages and mediocre and unhappy
marriages that simply limp along, lifeless and bleeding?
The truth is that, like a delicate plant, love
needs to be nurtured and paid close attention to. It needs to be
carefully monitored. The smart couple that is knowledgeable about
love knows this and takes steps to preserve their love. They know,
however, that to keep their love, they must cause it to constantly
grow. Letting it stand still means sure death. If love does not
grow, it dies. There is no question about that. Love that holds its
level of intensity is getting ready for a fall. Love must remain in
a permanent state of intensification if it is to remain dynamic.
There is no middle way for deep loving. It’s either up or down.
Nothing in between.
Lovers who are aware of this are constantly
courting like young lovers. They are always looking for ways and
means of increasing their love. They are creative in their loving.
Letters, notes, flowers, surprises and anything that can give love a
boost. It’s what makes love so fascinating, so satisfying and so
seemingly indestructible.
Still, love is fragile. Like a piece of fine
glass, it must be handled with care. Love can absorb a lot of
punishment, but not without leaving some ugly scars. And a love that
is pockmarked with unsightly scars is a love that is not truly
valued by the lovers. Hurt might fade, but memories remain.
If a marriage is to be deeply valued and
appreciated, it must be a courtship for life. When the courtship
stops after the wedding, love can carry on for a while. Because of
the momentum created by those breathtaking days when love was fresh
and pursued with vigor, love can survive on those good feelings,
but, with time, it will fade if not constantly renewed and
reinvigorated.
Too many couples count on past memories of the
good times to keep generating new sprouts of love. Perhaps for some.
Perhaps for a couple of years even. If, however, love isn’t
continuously weeded and reenergized, it will get sick and eventually
die. I have seen it happen countless times.
Lovers who want to keep their love vibrant need
to remain vigilant and be ready to put a lot of creative effort and
time pushing their love to new and greater heights. Up or down.
It’s the only way for love.
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If you have problems about drugs, alcohol and
behavior/attitude call my office at 8206107 or 8251771 or e-mail me
at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati
City.
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