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I wanted to attend the rally at Ayala last week but I was still
recuperating from high fever, so I just decided to witness all the
action on TV. Watching made me hungry so I decided to cook; and what
I whipped up was something as sweet and easy as pie!
For the pie-filling, you will just need the
following:
1 kilo of corrupted pork (in a barrel)
1 cup balimbing leaves, crushed
1 pack chis-mix
Fat crab mentality
3 quarts greed
Bunch of sour grape
Essence of colonial mentality
+ kilo spineless poly-crusticians
Boil some water. Wait until it becomes so hot,
like the heads of Filipinos—sick, starving, and tired of our
leaders’ antics who have always promised a better country when
everything just turns worse each day. When the water is hot enough,
stir it the way Jun Lozada stirred the anger of the Filipinos toward
the glaringly corrupt government system. Gradually put in a quart of
greed. As they say, “moderate the greed;” so pour that greed one
quart at a time.
Grab the corrupted pork from the barrel that
doesn’t really have any nutritional value. Better if the pork was
stolen and beaten so badly by the butchers who siphon away
everything they could. Leave this corruption problem simmer for
years on fire.
Then get some balimbing leaves, which our
country’s quite famous for. Smell how awful they are, like some
old trapos without principle. Crush these balimbing leaves with all
your might before adding it in. That’s exactly what balimbings
merit—being crushed and put into a boiling pot for them to taste
their own brew!
To add some spice to the concoction, open the
pack of chis-mix. This makes the world go round and it’s a highly
profitable product. Make sure everything gets into the brew. Don’t
spill anything unless you want to get back at someone. But brewing
up rumors about other people is even much better! Make sure that it
doesn’t fire up ala flambé because chis-mix can be really fiery,
to the point of destroying lives and reputations. As they say, where
there’s smoke, there’s fire; there’s always some truth to chis-mix,
but it usually gets out of hand.
Where there’s chis-mix, there’s crab
mentality. Put the crabs in slowly, and keep stirring until you
smell its nasty scent. We always try to pull each other down,
that’s why nothing happens to us. We just cannot accept that some
people make it. Instead of just focusing more one how to better our
crafts and abilities, we’d rather lambaste other people in order
to uplift ourselves. In the end, we all get destroyed. When you see
the defeated crab all cooked, pour in another quart of greed, for we
all know that greed, apart from envy, is the main reason why we love
that crab mentality.
Add a few drops of essence of colonial mentality
and watch the concoction bubble and boil. I guarantee you; this is
gonna be way better than any Filipino delicacy. After all, a lot of
people only know for Western culture, Chinese goods, black music and
pirated foreign movies. This ingredient is very essential in making
the perfect pie-verty filling smell so scrumptious!
Pluck the best sour grapes from the bunch and
add it in. This is the favorite ingredient of politicians who do not
get their way. They turn into sour grapes and put on their turncoats
and start propaganda against the ones who did not give in to their
self-seeking behests.
Before dropping the last ingredient, add in that
final quart of greed. This will bring out the flavor of the
spineless poly-crusticians, which doesn’t amount to anything.
Poly-crusticians don’t have visions; they just go wherever there
is sustenance. I doubt if there is even grey between its ears.
Reminds me of those we put in office. Most of them are spineless
that they cannot stand on their scruples. But then again, they do
not even have scruples to begin with.
After you’ve finished your filling, dough
whatever you wanna dough. That’s the simple recipe for National
Disaster and Poverty. A lesson in Philippine Politics: You can have
your pie and eat it too.
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