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When looking for someone special to love, what is it that will give
you the best chance to get the kind of person you are looking for?
Before answering that question, I presume you
know what it is you want in a man/woman. Don’t think that is a
silly presumption. If you ask a person what is it he or she is
looking for in a partner, don’t be surprised if you get a vague
answer. Most people do not have a clear idea of what it is they
want. They will tell you they want someone who is kind, loving,
hard-working and handsome or beautiful. And that is about it. Few
people have a detailed description of what they are looking for in a
lifetime partner.
So, what is most important is to sit down and
write what you want in a partner. Be as detailed as you can even if
you know that you will not find someone who has all the qualities
and characteristics you have noted down. What is important is to
know what to look for. If you have only a vague idea, chances are
you will end up with the wrong person.
After doing your profile, now you are ready for
the tool you can use to find that person. You need to spend a lot of
time once you meet someone you are attracted to and learning as much
about his history as is possible.
That is correct. Learn your history lesson well.
His or her history. The more you know about a person’s history,
the more you can predict future behavior.
Remember that love isn’t enough to carry you
through the long years ahead. Years of living and raising a family
together. When looking for a partner, you need to always have an eye
on the future. And past behavior is the best predictor of future
behavior.
If he was a womanizer in the past, staying
faithful to you after the wedding will be difficult for him. If he
drinks a lot and has a history of getting drunk, expect him to get
drunk again after the wedding. The same is true of drugs, gambling,
smoking and other vices.
Watch for those things in his past that you find
hard to put up with. If there are many, know that the chances of him
turning them around are not good.
What I am saying is this: what you see in his
history is what you will get in the future. There may be some
modifications, but don’t look for a make over. That won’t
happen.
Another piece of advice is to remember that
feelings don’t think. They simply feel. Your feelings, especially
those good feelings of love, can easily overwhelm the mind and cause
you to make poor judgments about him.
In short, learn the lessons of history. It was
Santayana who said that those who ignore the lessons of history are
condemned to repeat them. Trust your judgment more than your
feelings at the beginning and get out quickly if you don’t like
what you see.
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If you have problems about drugs, alcohol and
behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or 825-1771 or e-mail
me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati
City.
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