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ONE of the most difficult problems to treat is the
person who is wallowing in self-pity. Take the woman who has lost
her love. He has walked out on her and gone to another woman who
happens to be her best friend. She is inconsolable. Nothing that you
can tell her can pull her out of her depression. You try and try to
put some sense into her, but she is simply not listening, even if
she hears the words you speak.
There is something about the
person who is trapped in self-pity because of some sort of
disappointment. Usually, it is a woman who sits there and does not
want to get out of her terrible feelings even if she says she does.
The man will usually do something to distract himself. He might go
off and get drunk or take drugs, or do something that is
self-destructive.
The woman is like frozen in her
grief. She mourns her loss and keeps wishing what happened had never
happened. She wants to turn back the hands of time and change the
past even if it is clearly impossible to do so. Most often, anything
you tell her does not register. It will take time for her to
recover. Some, however, never get over it and find themselves
mourning their love until the day they die.
“Do not cry so hard about your
hard luck that you cannot hear opportunity knocking,” is an old
saying that people caught in the grip of self-pity should pay
attention to. Every setback opens some kind of door. It might not be
the door that you want or expect, but it is still an option that is
better than sitting there and crying your heart out.
Most setbacks are precisely that:
they push you back a step or two. From there, however, you can look
around and see new opportunities. Opportunities are everywhere. All
you need to do is select the one that best suits you and move
forward. If that one does not work out either, then try another.
It is amazing how many times
successful people fail before they make it to the top. One thing
they have in common is an uncommon desire to succeed. It is their
passion, their great enthusiasm for an idea or project that pushes
them forward. They are determined to make it and they do not care
about the obstacles in their way. They keep moving forward no matter
what.
Bouncing back from a setback will
depend on you. You can have friends and family help you out, but, in
the end, it will all be up to you. You will need to pick yourself up
and force yourself to your feet and push forward. Once you begin to
move, things become so much easier. It’s those first steps that
are key.
If you have problems about
drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or
825-1771 or e-mail me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box
2099 MCPO, Makati City.
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