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There are men and women who plunge into relationships without having
the slightest idea of what they want. They just feel the need to
have a relationship. That is not the same as knowing what you want.
The need to be loved is universal. We all know
this. What many people fail to understand is that not everyone knows
how to love. Loving is a skill that is learned. We are born selfish.
We want what we want, when we want it.
There is nobody more self-centered than a baby.
If he is fortunate enough to have parents who can teach him over the
years about the art of loving, he is ready for a relationship.
He has learned how to give, how to receive and
how to respect others. He is self-disciplined, controlled and has
learned a strong set of values which he lives by.
Sadly, there are so many persons who jump into a
relationship more quickly than you can spell the word love. They
feel the need and plunge into a relationship even if totally
unprepared.
Perhaps it is a strong need for companionship in
order to alleviate a deep loneliness that urges them on. Maybe they
need someone to hang on to because their self-esteem is so low that
they believe they cannot stand alone. Perhaps everyone around them
is into a relationship and they feel left out.
So they say to themselves, “Ready or not, here
I go.” And they jump without thinking, without first testing the
waters and without considering the consequences.
There is an old saying that tells you what
happens next: “The fish is soon caught who nibbles at every
bait.” Like the unthinking fish that dashes to and fro nibbling at
every bait, they run here, there and everywhere in obvious
desperation looking for someone, anyone, to get into some kind of
relationship.
Soon they are trapped in a blaze of strong
feelings that overwhelm them and make it just about impossible to
think clearly. If they are lucky, the relationship does not work out
and they are saved from further disaster. If not, they blindly
pursue their partner despite a flurry of objections and warnings
from friends and family. Later, when it becomes clear that it was
all a big mistake, they realize that it is too late. Getting out is
difficult, but staying in the relationship is heart-breaking.
Too late have they learned the lessons of
immature, reckless loving. Emotionally battered and psychologically
wounded, they will withdraw and try to heal. Then again, perhaps
they still have not learned enough to rethink their approach to
loving and they repeat the same patterns of the past and the results
are the same.
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If you have problems about drugs, alcohol and
behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or 825-1771 or e-mail
me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati
City.
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