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I like to tell the story of man who moved into a very
small town where everybody knew each other. Where everyone talked to
everyone. But this middle-aged man wasn’t like the rest of the
folks. He mostly kept to himself. He was a man of few words who
would greet his neighbors, but it would end there. He remained aloof
to the point of being called strange.
Then, one day, a beautiful woman
in her thirties moved into the house of the stranger. She too was a
person of few words. The people wondered who she was and their
tongues began to wag as rumor after rumor spread around the town.
The man and his new friend went about their business ignoring all
the talk about them. Then, one day, the man stopped appearing in
public. He no longer went shopping for groceries. He did not cut the
grass and work in his garden. The more the people talked and the
stories about the two of them kept multiplying.
Then the man died and the truth
emerged. The woman was his sister and she had moved in to take care
of her brother who was dying of terminal cancer. The people were
embarrassed. There were many red faces among them. They had terribly
misjudged their neighbors and now felt ashamed that what was an
exemplary act of kindness and compassion had been totally been
misinterpreted. They lacked real information and had drawn their own
conclusions proving that all too often perception is seen as truth.
We never seem to learn from our
past mistakes. We have made countless misjudgments about people
based on mere perceptions, and yet we do it again and again. Worse,
when we lack facts, we the conclusions that suit us. We make
judgments based on what we believe and push aside any suggestions
that we might be wrong.
We do it to our friends and we do
it to our enemies. We are blinded to the weaknesses of those we love
as we are blinded to the goodness of those we dislike. We pick and
choose what suits us in people based on our perceptions of them and
not because of what matters most: the truth. Truth is often elusive,
not because it cannot be seen, but because we look for it with
colored glasses. Dark glasses when it concerns those who turn us
off, and rose colored glasses when we look at those we perceive as
favorable to us.
This is why we find it so
difficult to affirm someone we dislike and to criticize our friends.
We are truly not very objective when it comes to making judgments
about people. Perhaps we should keep in mind the story of the dying
man and his dedicated, loving sister.
If you have problems about
drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 8206107 or
8251771 or e-mail me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box
2099 MCPO, Makati City.
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