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There is an old saying that gives a solid piece of
advice to those who get themselves into trouble: “When you are in
a hole, stop digging.”
We often see people in trouble
stumble from one disaster to the next in a chain of ill-advised
moves that keeps making their situation worse. They, in effect, keep
digging themselves into a deeper hole.
Take for example the young woman
who gets pregnant by her boyfriend. She is now in a hole that she
dug herself. It was unwise for her to have premarital sex. To have
unprotected sex was even more unwise. What does she do now? She
pushes for marriage soonest. The guy doesn’t want to marry her. He
says they are not ready and he’s right since both of them are
still in school. They are still immature teenagers whose love is
very much in question.
Still, she wants to get married
despite his objections. She doesn’t stop digging a deeper hole
when she convinces her parents to force the marriage. The parents
join in helping her dig deeper by going along with her plan.
So they marry. She drops out of
school, which creates an even deeper hole. They decide to live with
his parents who were against the wedding from the very beginning.
She feels their hostility even as the guy shows her indifference.
The arguments increase in number and intensity. She decides to go
home to her parents for a while.
She digs herself an even deeper
hole as this only serves to antagonize him and his family even more.
Her family hates her husband and shows it. The woman did not know
when to stop digging and now the situation is just about beyond
saving.
An important part of maturity and
the wisdom that comes with it is to know when to stop digging a
deeper hole for yourself. Relationships deteriorate when couples
cannot stop themselves from digging and digging some more.
When careers are going downhill,
people tend to panic and make a bad situation worse. They too cannot
stop digging.
When we have gotten ourselves
into a hole, we need to stop digging for a while and, as my father
used to tell me, “Think, Bob, think.”
We need to say no to the tendency
to panic. We need calm and good thinking to avoid making more
mistakes and causing matters to worsen. In short, we need to stop
digging mindlessly and start thinking carefully.
If you have problems about
drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 8206107 or
8251771 or e-mail me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box
2099 MCPO, Makati City.
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