|
Are you a person who is sensitive to the feelings of
others? Or are you one of those who constantly offend people because
of your complete disregard on how they feel?
Have you noticed how those who
care for what others feel make our world a more pleasant place to
live in? And they do it in countless, small and seemingly
insignificant ways—like the pedestrian who thanks you with a smile
and a nod when you stop your car to let him cross, or the person
behind you who says “Thank you,” when you hold the door open for
him, or the teener that brings his dad’s slippers to him
without being asked.
And remember the daughter-in-law
who on your birthday sends you a touching note of gratitude for what
you have done for her.
There are thousands of
opportunities to show a measure of care to others. And some of these
are so obvious that when you fail to do so, people who are sensitive
look at you and question your upbringing. Speaking of raising kids,
this sensitivity to the feeling of others is not inborn. It is
taught from the earliest years.
The other evening, I was having
dinner with my wife Emmy in a nice quiet restaurant when we heard
loud screams. Startled, we thought there was some kind of
disturbance. Instead there was a young kid who was running around
the place yelling (not crying) while his insensitive parents
continued to eat their meal oblivious of the trouble their son was
causing everyone else. Not a way to teach a child to respect the
feelings of others.
What irritates me most are people
who don’t know how to say thank you when you do things for them.
When that happens, the first reaction is to never help them again so
long as I live. But then I have to remind myself of two things.
First, their parents never taught
them the virtue of gratitude or to consider the feelings of other
people. Never made to understand that acknowledging the kindness of
others is something very basic as far as good manners are concerned.
The other thing that I remind
myself is that I am helping other people because that pleases God
and that’s what His followers should be doing.
Perhaps the most difficult thing
to do is to live with a person that is insensitive to the feelings
of others or worse, to be married to one.
Some of us may have observed the
incredible insensitivity that some spouses display toward each
other. They are not even polite. They do not say “please” and
“thank you.” They show total disregard toward each other’s
feelings. They do this in countless ways. Some are indeed more
serious than those little things that irritate.
Remember the man who embarrasses
his wife in a gathering by making fun of her? Or, the woman who
refuses to entertain her husband’s friends for even a few minutes
because she does not like them?
On the other hand, I have never
come across happily married couples that were insensitive to each
other’s emotions. On the contrary, people deeply in love are
always thinking of each other’s feelings. And since they are
careful not to hurt the one they love, they are always alert to
consider how their partner would react to their actions.
Moreover, they know what hurts
and what pleases, and because they love so deeply, they are
continuously focused on what makes their beloved happy.
Come to think of it, one of the
qualities I enjoy and appreciate most in my wife is her incredible
sensitivity to my needs and feelings. It has gotten to the point
where I feel so grateful to her for this that I keep paying
attention to her needs and feelings so I can reciprocate.
When two people have loved each
other deeply for years, you will hear comments that they are
“still in the courting stage.” Perhaps, but chances are it was
their sensitivity to each other’s needs and feelings that has made
the whole thing sweet. Actually, it is much more than that. Paying
attention to each other’s feelings has become a way of life for
them. A constant feature of their relationship, and the greatest
proof of the love and respect they give each other.
If you have problems about
drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or
825-1771 or e-mail me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box
2099 MCPO, Makati City.
|
