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Can two people fall in love without seeing each other, without
touching, dating or even hearing each other’s voices?
Sure they can. Pen pals do it everyday as they
keep sending letters across the world. Letters however, can be very
limiting. For one thing, you sit and write what you have to say
without getting the immediate feedback that face-to-face
conversation gives you. You cannot follow the thinking of the other
person until there is a response by mail in a few weeks time. Even
then, the whole difficult process starts all over again.
Now, however, we are beginning to have love via
the Internet. In a short article, the Herald Tribune reports that
increasingly “Internet romances are killing marriages” Lonely
people are turning to their computers to find the cure to their
loneliness, to the emptiness that is making them miserable.
“The workplace still ranks No. 1 for
extramarital encounters, divorce lawyers say, but computers are
moving up fast,” says the Tribune.
It all makes sense, if you think about it for a
moment. On-line, you can’t be seen. No need for shy persons to
freeze when they are about to say something to a stranger. The
anonymity of the Internet allows one to communicate more freely
without risking very much. After all, the one you’re “talking”
to can’t see you, doesn’t know who you are, and therefore
can’t embarrass you in any serious way. Sure, he can insult you
and reject you, but, so what, he still can’t know you unless you
reveal yourself.
In a way, Internet friendships and romances
allow a person greater control over the relationship. It becomes
easy to initiate contact with someone and easy to turn off the
person if you don’t want to go on. For him, you only exist in
cyberspace, and that’s a very big place.
Even shy people can be very talkative when they
are with friends they trust. The Internet can be just such a friend
whom they can control.
In America where there are plenty of people
chatting on the Internet, more and more people are falling in love
and ending up married to each other. And there are, of course, the
inevitable affairs that take place.
Come to think of it, cyberspace can give the
less attractive persons a distinct edge. The initial sexual
attraction isn’t there. Instead, imagination takes over and
perhaps even fantasy. You start wondering what such a wonderful
person must look like. And, if you like what you’re reading on the
screen, then she must be good-looking!
The danger, however, is that anonymity can
create some very strong expectations which, when later go
unfulfilled, can cause incredible disappointment.
One more, and perhaps the greatest danger, is
deception. It is unbelievably easy to lie in the chat rooms of the
Internet.
Have I ever handled a case of an Internet love
affair? Yes. The person met someone on-line, fell in love, traveled
halfway around the world to meet the cyberspace lover face-to-face,
had an affair, and is now planning to separate from the spouse. One
problem. The cyberspace lover abroad isn’t talking of marriage and
perhaps never will.
There will be more cyberspace affairs as more
and more people go on-line. Stay tuned.
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If you have problems about drugs, alcohol and
behavior/attitude call my office at 8206107 or 8251771 or e-mail me
at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati
City.
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