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There is this one guy whom I regret dating. If I could, I would even
deny ever dating him. Let me tell you now that I don’t usually
have this reaction to ex-dates or ex-whatevers. I believe that the
world is not only small; it is round. Whatever it is you dish out is
bound to come back to you. I believe in being civil, polite and
sensitive to guys who still show interest in being “friends.”
As other women would tell you, we normally like
having guys fawning over us. It’s an ego boost. And hey, lots of
guys hanging around and vying for our attention is always better
than no guys, right?
But again, as women will tell you, there are
guys like the ones I just described who make our skin crawl.
Why? Because he’s the kind of guy who just
can’t get it. He doesn’t want to be dated, seen with or spoken
to. But he is just so thick-skinned (or plain stupid) that he
can’t get it.
For the sake of self-preservation, learn to tell
when a woman is trying to get rid of you. Save yourselves the hassle
and the embarrassment of a woman telling her other girlfriends what
a pain in the ass you are and beat it when she’s not that into
you. Here are signs, read and heed:
She tells you she has a boyfriend
Okay, so being in a relationship isn’t enough
reason for some people not to stray. Fine, we’ll give you that
much. But if a woman really was interested in “straying” with
you, she wouldn’t even tell you she has a boyfriend. (She’d tell
you after the point of no return to make it deliciously wrong.) A
woman telling you she has a boyfriend is a repellant to keep pesky
men from sinking their teeth into her.
It takes her forever to answer messages, even
on-line ones
Not all of us call our mobile phones an
appendage of our anatomy and carry them around 24/7. Not all of us
can answer text messages at the speed of lightening. But the mere
fact that you can see when a person is online and is available to
chat plus any message you send comes with a pop up window make IM
notes hard to ignore. Plus, you can always ‘buzz’ a person out
of their oblivion when they don’t respond. In short, there is no
excuse. If it takes her a while to answer your messages, she’s
making you wait. Quite simply, it’s indirectly telling you that
you’re not important enough to deserve a timely reply.
She doesn’t have your number on her phone
If on more than one occasion she asks you to
identify yourself when you text her, take the hint and take a hike.
Once is okay—may be it is true that her phone was stolen. Twice is
even acceptable—maybe her phone really crashed. But three times?
That simply leaves no room for benefit of the doubt.
She doesn’t say “yes” when you ask her
out
If you ask her out for an innocuous cup of
coffee and she says she’s busy that week or gives a vague answer
like some other time, she’s not interested. If she were
interested, but is really regretfully busy, she would be offer
another date as an option.
Why can’t she just come out and say no? Well,
do you really want her to tell you the truth and say that going out
with you is about as enjoyable as getting a root canal?
You wouldn’t want to hear it, so don’t wait
for her to say it.
She actually says “no”
When your persistency has pushed her to the
point of saying no, remember what your mother and the law tell you:
No means no. Back off. She just may have enough grounds to call the
authorities if you don’t.
Now that you know that she’s not being coy and
just doesn’t like you, don’t do the following:
• Don’t play the pathetic role. Do not pull
this line: “It’s OK. I’d understand if you don’t want to go
out with me. You can be honest.” Real men don’t do drama. And
besides, she probably finds you naturally pathetic even without it.
• Don’t try to appear sensitive when
you’re just really a stalker. Sending text messages 10 times a
day, calling at odd hours or late at night, putting in a missed call
“just to see” if her phone is off are not signs of being
sensitive and attentive. It’s stalking. And to her, these are just
reasons to label you a freak.
• Don’t tell her where you are and what
you’re doing as a reason to text. Don’t bother. She doesn’t
care.
• Don’t ask her where she is or what she’s
doing. Don’t bother. She thinks that you have no right to ask her
such “personal” questions.
• Don’t ask her to call you. She won’t.
Save some face. Don’t waste your time on a woman who just isn’t
into you and go off and find one who is. Oh, and if you’re
anything like the guy that I just described above—good luck with
that.
Agree, talk back or fight back at thesinglefiles@gmail.com.
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