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Given the price of gasoline nowadays, you have to be choosy about
the roads you take—the literal road you drive on and not some
metaphorical highway. You have to consider the quality of the
pavement, number of potholes, smoothness, tire traction, traffic
flow, flooding, and other important factors that contribute to an
excellent driving experience. And when it comes to highways, there
is no greater disparity between the newly built
Subic-Clark-Tarlac-Expressway (SCTEx) and the old run down C5. The
difference is like day and night, or like BMW and owner jeep, or
like Haagen Dazs and dirty ice cream, or like Blu-ray and VHS (this
could go on if my editor gave me a whole page).
The brand new 94-kilometer SCTEX is the autobahn
of the Philippines. With its pristine scenery that makes you feel
you’re in a different country, this highway takes minutes away
from your commute on the space-time continuum making you younger.
You just want to keep driving . . . away from your worries at the
office, your nagging wife, and increasing living expenses. Unlike
its boringly straight brother the NLEx, the SCTEx has the right
amount of curves and lines to seduce even the conservative drivers
to push the gas pedal above the recommended 100kph speed limit. Theoretically,
if you were to drive a BMW M3 (a red one), you could go about 280kph
without breaking a sweat in your armpits from the nervousness of
hitting a crossing wild animal. This expressway would be
perfect except for the fact it doesn’t have an on or off ramp in
Clark! It’s in the works though.
If the SCTEx pushes the country’s progress
forward, the C5 highway pulls it all back in reverse. Just getting
on this route makes you double strap your seatbelt, hide your cell
phone underneath your seat, and cock your gun. This is the ghetto
freeway of the country with squatters living right in the middle of
it making it their personal toilet and kitchen. Tricycles and taxis
driving against traffic and getting pissed at you for having the
right of way are a common sight. Kids playing “rugby” frequently
cross the street causing you to swerve and almost hit the pedicab
next to you. Conservative drivers need to go beyond 100kph because
if they don’t, they will get carjacked. The criminals’ modus
operandi is to hit your car with a rock causing you to stop then
they just take your car with or without you inside.
The SCTEx represents the country’s bright
future while C5 symbolizes the current situation that needs to be
improved. The solution, obviously, is to shutdown C5. Amputate while
the cancer is still contained.
For your complaints, please tell the author in
person at his next comedy show in Spicy Fingers in Greenbelt 2 on
July 28th at 8 p.m.
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