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I like what Eleanor Roosevelt said to
somebody who complained that he was being put down: “Nobody can
make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Short, simple,
but true, what she was saying is that to a great degree, we are the
master of our own ship. We have the power to make ourselves happy
and to prevent those who would push us into depression and
discouragement to succeed.
All too often, we
allow ourselves to be kicked around emotionally by people who do not
love us and by those who say they care, but don’t. We feel bad
when we are stung by sharp words.
Instead of
shielding ourselves from their verbal darts, we just stand there,
get hit, bleed, and feel sorry for ourselves. I know that is my
tendency. Even if I have a thousand friends, the hurtful words of
one enemy are still painful and, unless I fight it off, emotionally
paralyzing. There is the tendency to forget the sunshine in my life
and focus on this one dark cloud in an otherwise bright blue sky.
We have this
unreasonable desire to be loved and accepted by everyone. Even if we
know this isn’t possible, we still somehow cling to the hope that
maybe, we are the exception to the rule. And our hope is naturally
crushed because we are not an exception but very much part of the
rule.
Roosevelt was
right. We shouldn’t allow ourselves to be put down. We can do this
in a number of ways. We can look at where the dart comes from. If it
is from an enemy, we need to tell ourselves that it is to be
expected. Then we must use our shield to deflect the arrow.
When those
feelings of depression make their appearance despite our efforts to
contain them, we can counteract them by getting ourselves busy
thinking and doing something else that interests us. Hurt feelings
do not stay long if we refuse to focus on them. Our feelings change
as our focus changes.
You might be very
happy. Then you decide to read a book on the horrors of Hitler’s
awful death camps. You feel bad.
As we walk
through life, sooner or later we get to know what it is that makes
us happy and what saddens us. It is up to us as intelligent beings
to stay with what gives us joy and avoid what we know knocks us
down. There are certain people and circumstances I try to avoid, and
there are those whose company I seek because they give me such joy.
Whenever those
negative feelings come over me because somebody is trying to make me
feel inferior, I fight them by thinking positive thoughts.
Then, I focus on
other things that I like to do. I seek out persons I love and enjoy.
Soon, very soon, the hurt feelings have nothing to nurture them and
they fade.
If you have
problems about drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office
at 8206107 or 8251771 or e-mail me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write
me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati City.
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