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A 26-year-old French woman who has decided to make a life for
herself in the Philippines talks about being wooed Pinoy style.
I have been living here for more than three
years and intend to live here as long as I can. I was initially
drawn to the Philippines because of scuba diving. And yes, a little
bit because of the men. I find Filipino men exotic and mysterious
because of their caramel skin, their thick black hair and they
always smell so good. My other European girlfriends do not find
Filipino men manly enough—often because of their height and build,
which is relatively smaller and slimmer when compared to European
men, but that’s all fine by me.
I went to the Philippines on holiday to get my
certification. I was diving under the tutelage of my dive master who
was Filipino. I was immediately attracted to him, because of his
diving skills, a sport which I have long been passionate about. One
night, after one of our dives, it just seemed like the most natural
thing for him to come into my room and spend the night with me.
He was unlike my other European boyfriends. He
was caring, kind and sensitive. I felt loved. True, there were some
things I had to get used to, like all the text messages to ask where
I was, if I have I eaten breakfast or dinner, who I was with, or
some lines from a cheesy love song. I wondered why someone would
waste their text messages to ask such stupid questions.
We didn’t have a lot to talk about at first.
He had lived in the Philippines all his life and was not well
traveled. That was another adjustment point for me. I would usually
have a lot of interesting travel stories to talk about with people
in general. But if not for the diving, we would not have much to
talk about.
Those were just some of the things that I had to
get used to. Another was the need to be so clean. Like, each time
after sex, he would take a shower. So, if I wanted to have sex more
once, he would also take more than one shower. Another was how my
then-boyfriend was content with watching a movie at a mall, and then
eating at a restaurant, also at the mall. I found this particularly
frustrating since the mall to me was never a place to hangout. It
was just a place to go to buy something and that’s it. I wanted to
go out, see museums, trek up to the mountains. It didn’t have to
be expensive. I found a job here that was paying me at local rates.
We could take a bus out of the city and just breathe some fresh air.
But he always had an excuse not to go out of town with me, except if
it was to go diving. I was pretty used to doing things alone and
also valued my space, so I didn’t think anything of this. I
wasn’t the demanding type and he said that’s what he liked about
me. I was unlike his other Filipina girlfriends who were clingy and
needed to be around him all the time. He said he liked my
independence, my easy-going nature and my humor. And he would always
tell me I was beautiful. I was in love.
After more than a year of being together, while
waiting for him at a bar, I saw an acquaintance of mine. She asked
me to join her for a drink while waiting. As it turns out, she also
knew my boyfriend and had gone diving with him before. She told me
he was married and just assumed I knew.
It was surreal. Like watching those movies with
a predictable plot, but this time it was happening to me. He was
married with kids. I was hurt and deceived. But mostly, I was angry
at myself for not knowing, not even so much as sensing it. I met all
his friends. He introduced me as his girlfriend. They knew that
sometimes he would sleep over at my place. It was impossible for
them to think we were just friends.
When I confronted him, he told me that he
wasn’t in love with his wife and had not been for a long time. He
said he didn’t know how to tell me about his wife and his kids
without losing me. He begged me to understand that he would never be
able to leave her because there is no divorce here, and the
alternative was a long and very expensive process which he did not
want to put his children through. How could he be 27 and already
have three children? He said he got his wife pregnant and was left
with no choice, but to marry her. It was like a script from a bad
movie.
We didn’t see each other for weeks and I was
miserable. He would text every so often to say he was sorry and beg
me for one more chance. And after awhile, I gave in. I continued to
see him. In a weird way, I didn’t want to be the reason to break
up a family, seeing how devoted he was to his children. We continued
to see each other for almost another year, until he left to go to
another country. We remain in touch through e-mail, but nothing
more.
I have had other Filipino boyfriends since then.
A lot of things are common among them, their penchant for text
messages, their caring and sensitive nature and yes, their idea of a
nice date being one at the mall. A lot of Filipino men are boleros.
Maybe that’s why it’s easy for many of them to cheat on their
wives. They’re quick to drop their pants and words like mahal kita
after two or three dates, expecting us women to fall for it. How can
you love a person without really knowing them?
I’m not with anyone in particular now, just
dating and playing the field. I have not closed my heart—or my
legs—to the idea of being in an honest and serious relationship
with a Filipino. But I think it will take me a bit more time to get
used to all the text messages and love songs.
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