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I have worked with troubled youths for more than
forty years. There are times when the stories of these young ones
make me cry. They are so sad that the tears come to my eyes despite
every effort to control myself.
When, however, I look deeply into
their problems, I can see how childhood events molded them and were
the root causes of the problems they encountered later on in life.
I remember a young man who, as a
child, had been sexually abused by his mother for a number of years.
He grew up to become a womanizer and a man without a purpose in
life. Addicted to sex, he was caught in deep-seated habits that
ruled his life. His life would have been very different if he had a
mother who truly loved and respected him. But he didn’t and he
paid the price for her abuse.
There are so many angry men and
women who can trace their anger back to their upbringing. Blatant
favoritism is a major cause of anger in childhood. Parents who
openly favor one to the detriment of the other children create deep
and lasting anger in the neglected ones.
Physical abuse is another reason
why so many youths are angry and problematic. I do not mean a tap on
the wrist, but severe beatings that happen often and are inflicted
on the children with curses and demeaning verbal abuse. It should
come as no surprise that many of these children grow up to abuse
their own children.
But then, I meet other kids who
are well balance and solid. Almost always I will find matured and
kind parents who brought them up with lots of love and concern. Kids
learn for better or for worse, by imitating their elders.
I am reminded of a poster I saw
years ago that says it all.
If a child lives with criticism
he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility,
he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule,
he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with shame, he
learns to feel guilty
If a child lives with tolerance,
he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with
encouragement, he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he
learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness,
he learns justice.
If a child lives with security,
he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with approval,
he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance,
and friendship, he learns to find love in the world.
Be aware of how you behave in the
presence of your children, for they are watching you and learning
from you. They will be your mirror.
If you have problems about drugs,
alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 8206107 or 8251771
or e-mail me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box 2099
MCPO, Makati City.
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