|
Being a VJ, video jockey in case you didn’t know, is not as easy
as it seems. First you have to go through a grueling VJ hunt, unless
your parents happen to be famous actors, which exempts you from
going through this humiliating contest. Then you have to submit
yourself to a makeover to match the look of the network you will
represent. Lastly, you have to learn the important skills of a VJ,
which include pointing to the camera for no reason whatsoever, being
uncomfortable with your hands, and introducing music videos that
don’t really need to be introduced. Let’s face it, in this post-Donita-Rose
VJ industry, you need all the help you can get to make it. The
following are my tips to becoming a successful VJ:
1. Be half something. Look at the
memorable ones in the business: Sarah Meier, KC Montero, and Donita.
What did they have in common besides being married with kids now?
They were all a mix of something. It doesn’t hurt to have at least
one Caucasian parent. Anyway, you can fake it by saying you’re
part Spanish and Chinese because at some point you can trace your
roots to a Spanish priest or a Chinese trader.
2. Act lethargic. Remember, a good VJ
does his spiels like he’s sleepy. Act like you just got out of bed
and a bunch of your friends are in your living room and you’re
just telling them about this music video you watched. Yawn before
the director yells “action” to get you in character.
3. Banter with the crew. Never mind if
it’s not witty, just talk to the camera and lighting crew like
you’re saying the most hilarious thing. The viewers will start
thinking, “This VJ isn’t funny but the crew seems to be very
amused so maybe there’s something wrong with me.” They can’t
see how bored the crew is anyway.
4. Use the VJ title to death. Wear your
title like an Olympic medal. Let people know that you’re a real VJ.
Always prefix your name with VJ, kind of like how doctors always put
“Dr.” before their names or how mayors and governors use
“Honorable” before their names. Never mind that doctors and
government officials earned their titles through years of education
or from the votes of the people, you are just as important because
you survived the VJ hunt.
Once you start receiving fan mail where they get
your name right, you know you’ve made it as a VJ. Enjoy your
success while it lasts because sooner or later the network people
will come to their senses and realize that you’re not really
adding any value.
E-mail your complaints to iwasrejectedasavj@timtayag.com
|
