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The ultimate how-to movie about dating, Hitch, says something about
how the Third Date is a turning point in the dating game. It is the
proverbial fork in the road where you decide if you really want to
go there … to Date No. 4 where it can start to get serious.
However, before you get to the Third Date, there
is the problem of getting through the first and second ones, which
many veteran daters will tell you—at its worst—can be an
exercise in masochism, depending on whose side you’re taking.
In the first part of this series, The Single
Files will attempt to put together some practical date advice and
classify them into a step-by-step guide per date so that you can
score the necessary points to get you to the Third Date.
Step 1: Research on your date
Do your homework and check common interests and
mutual friends. Make sure that your date is not a friend of an ex,
the ex of an ex (in which case they may just be experimenting), or
still attached in some way.
Step 2: Keep everything casual
Whether you are asking, being asked or some
well-meaning friends have set you up on one, do away with juvenile
butterflies in your stomach by keeping everything non-chalant. From
the asking, to the accepting to the actual date itself.
Step 3: If you are having dinner, pick an
informal restaurant
Choose a casual restaurant with good food and is
conducive to conversation.
Selecting a restaurant that has undoubtedly good
food serves a double purpose—if it turns out that you and your
date don’t have a lot in common, you can at least make small talk
about the food.
A place that is conducive to talking is not at
all a fancy candlelit restaurant. Avoid places that give off a
formal vibe disguised as a romantic one. It sets unrealistic
expectations which may not be met. (At least not on the first date)
Step 4: Plan out what you are going to do
A “meet up for coffee” is perfectly
acceptable nowadays for a 1st date. Actually, many people prefer it
because it can be passed off as an innocuous pseudo non-date. It
allows both of you some alone time to see if there is chemistry
without the burdensome responsibilities of an official date. It
saves you the effort of paying for an expensive meal if you’re the
guy and getting all dressed up if you’re the girl.
A lunch date is also acceptable and like the
coffee meet up, has a pre-set time allocation which provides a most
natural getaway plan.
If you are planning something more impressive
than the generic set of activities like a movie and dinner for the
first date, make sure that it is something that both of you can
enjoy or endure. On a first date, it can still go either way.
Step 5: Remember:
It is not a job interview …
So don’t whip out the titles, promotions and
sales figures/results. Sure your date would like to know what you do
for a living and where you spend at least 8 hours everyday (and when
it comes to someone you’re dating, having a job is still better
than no job), but you don’t need to prepare a speech about where
you see yourself five years from now.
It is not time to wash your dirty laundry …
So nix any urges to—even when asked—to talk
about your jerk of a boss, your thoughtless ex, your measly salary,
and crumby job. So much angst and bitterness on a first date just
isn’t healthy.
It is a minimum 2 hours of monogamy …
Yes, even a first date requires a base line
level of commitment. You are expected to practice complete monogamy
and pay attention only to each other. No texting your friends to
tell them how the date is going, or worse messaging other potential
dates/paramours in the wings. No checking out other people at the
same time. No flirting with your date’s friends (if you’re out
on a group date).
Your manners, no matter how it went …
You don’t have dish out false niceties and say
you had a great time especially if you didn’t, but you should
always say ‘thank you’ at the end of your date. If it turned out
to be a bit of a nightmare, you can at least say something nice
about one another. If it was “so so,” you at least leave an
opening for another date. If it was spectacular, you are simply
doing what is expected.
Say something committal like “I’ll call
you” or hopeful like “Call me” only if you really mean it.
Sometimes, the only thing worse than a First Date is agreeing to go
on a second one.
E-mail your own first date stories or tips to thesinglefiles@gmail.com.
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