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There are two types of men in the house: those who
play dead when the housework piles up, and those who never stop
working. They are men with exceptional skills. Their main motivation
is the husbands’ ultimate reward: more sex.
Those who play dead are awesome.
Worse than couch potatoes, they are truly oblivious to the world
around them. The stink coming from the kitchen and bathroom, the
litter and grime and dirt on the floor, the unwashed dishes piling
up in the sink, several stacks of dirty clothes for laundry, the
wife yakking, the baby crying—nothing affects the dead man.
The dynamo husband is just as
awesome. Among other things he cooks, does the laundry, cleans the
house, prepares feeding bottle for the baby, change diapers. He
cannot seem to stop, and the wife complains: “Hey, leave something
for me to do.”
But the dynamo is happy at what
he does. He walks the dog, he cleans the yard. If you don’t point
it out to him quickly he will clean the neighbor’s yard, too.
Is there a middle ground between
the two? Perhaps, a half-dead like a couch potato with flabby
muscles but strong back developed from lying on the couch countless
of hours?
Apparently, there is no middle
ground as far as getting more sex is concerned. In reality, most
couch potatoes have lost interest in sex. They love watching the
idiot box too much.
Unlike the couch potatoes, the
dead men and human dynamos are driven by an overpowering desire to
have more sex. Nothing could possibly stop them. Can you stop a
volcano from erupting? Can you stop a typhoon named after your wife
or mother-in-law? The smart thing is to let it come to pass and make
precautions against damage and injuries. In the case of sex, the
smart thing is to prepare for it and to enjoy it.
How did the play dead and human
dynamo strategies come about? Is this idle talk? Does it have
scientific basis?
The play-dead strategy originated
from male spiders. Scientists said not all spiders looking for
arachnid sex adopt this technique, but those that do more than
double their chances of hitting the sexual jackpot.
In experiments at the University
of Aaarhus in Denmark, researchers set up date-and-mate
opportunities for the Pisaura specie. All the males sought to
attract partners by offering a gift of food held in the mouth. But
the ones that lay flat and motionless—even if it meant getting
dragged about by a female that had latched onto the victuals—wound
up in a much better position, as it were, to engage in sexual
activity.
The hapless males that tried the
direct approach wound up keeping the free meal but not getting what
they were really after. Males that played dead were also allowed to
copulate longer than males that did not, the researchers said.
So now we know the real secret of
“spiderman.” Now we know why he smiles a lot.
The dynamo husbands have their
share of the laughs, too. The reward for men who help out around the
house could be more sex, according to sociologist Scott Coltrane,
co-author of a report prepared for the web site of the Chicago-based
Council on Contemporary Families.
“By and large, the more men do
around the house, the happier women are,” Coltrane said. “We
sociologists generally don’t go there, but therapists say
there’s a direct correlation between men doing more housework and
the frequency of sex.”
Coltrane said the phenomenon of
men chipping in around the house appears to be global. “Wives
report greater feelings of sexual interest for husbands who
participate in housework.”
So the secret is out. If you want
more sex you can either play dead or do more work in the house.
There is no middle ground. There is no reward for couch potatoes.
But please, be careful. If you
want to play dead don’t overdo it, or you may never wake up to
claim your reward. If you choose to work instead conserve your
energies, or you make the wife unhappy in bed.
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