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By Perry Gil S. Mallari, Reporter
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Photo by
KJ Rosales |
The office in a way is a microcosm of humanity
where different characters thrive—the good and the bad, the kind
and the mean, the beautiful and the not so beautiful. Here’s a
humorous take on the various characters that makes life in the
cubicle jungle colorful, fun and at times intolerable.
The mystery man
No, he’s not into the occult arts though he
carries an aura of mystery that is the favorite subject of chatter
in the ladies room. He’s good-looking, buff and clean almost to a
clinical degree. But despite all these he has no girlfriend and
shows zero interest on women. Off the clock he frequents the gym
where he offers generous assistance to newbie hunks doing the bench
press. “Nice biceps man, keep it up!” He got the whole office
worried when he falls in a fit of depression over the death of Heath
Ledger. “He’s a great loss to the arts,” he laments.
The extreme feminist
She’s a crossover between Janet Reno and
Condoleeza Rice and her steely smile can make the toughest of men
twitch on their seats. Intelligent and articulate, you can learn a
lot from her. Just don’t ever make the mistake of pulling off a
sexist joke or making derogatory remarks on women. If this happens
on a coffee break, you can expect a number of responses: a burst of
espresso on your face, a punch on the nose or a forced impromptu
indoctrination on feminist theory.
The agitator
Avoid this character as much as you can
particularly during times when you’re completing an important
project or beating a deadline. The agitator is notorious for
possessing an uncanny ability to ignite a lengthy debate over
trivial matters. The agitator can surreptitiously shift a
conversation from a seemingly harmless suggestion on what
introductory phrase to use in your business letter, to shoving the
principles of Quantum physics down your throat.
The activist
Expect his cubicle to be empty whenever
there’s a big rally in Liwasang Bonifacio or somewhere else in the
city. Name any major mass protest movement and chances are the
activist has attended it one way or the other. The only thing odd
about this character is his inability to define his political
affiliation. He’ll give you that patented blank stare every time
you ask him whether he’s a leftist, a centrist or a rightist.
The geek
He talks in a strange language that include
cryptic two and three-letter terms like 3G, HD and RAM. Though
talking to the geek is like reading the technical manual of a
motherboard, he’s a source of invaluable help when a vicious virus
wreaks havoc on your notebook. He is also the single person in the
office that can help you when your boss starts to become nosy on
what sites you’re visiting on the Net.
The entrepreneur
The entrepreneur is the human equivalent of a
government rolling store only, the goods at his disposal is more
varied and diverse. You can procure from him in one-time payment or
installment basis virtually any product under the sun ranging from
3-in-1 coffee, undergarments, tocino and longganisa, to military
surplus equipments if you happen to be moonlighting as a bounty
hunter.
The buxom babe
Sexy garbs and killer curves. Ah, the buxom babe
is enough reason to brave the cubicle jungle 8-hours a day, five
days a week.
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