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Never having a boyfriend doesn’t mean that a girl has never been
kissed or touched as this 31-year-old virgin-no-more shares. This is
her story.
“I have never had a boyfriend. I’ve had my
share of suitors, but none that I would care to pursue an honest,
serious relationship with. Most people automatically assume that I
am a virgin and take on this air of uber-sensitivity, taking extreme
care to avoid topics that are sexual in nature in my presence.
My high school friends, subjected to years of
brainwashing about what a nice girl should be like, all claimed that
their hymens were still intact despite relationships that spanned
many years. They broke up with their boyfriends, acquired new ones,
got engaged to some, all the while claiming to still be virgins.
Things changed when some of them got married. Marriage gave them
license to admit that they lost virginity way before the wedding
night. They said that they were not afraid to disclose this anymore,
but also admitted that they didn’t feel comfortable talking about
it around me because I would feel left out. I don’t understand why
they had to hide that from me. It made me feel like an outsider. It
may have not been their intention, but it nevertheless had the same
effect.
When I turned 30, I decided that I did not want
to be a virgin anymore. Yes, it was that simple for me. I thought
that I was too old to be a virgin and at the same time, was very
curious. I guess my age also gave me “permission” to experiment.
Other kids started experimenting when they were 17, I was already 13
years too late. I wanted to know what all the hype was about.
So I got rid of it. Yes, just like that. It
wasn’t very hard. The opportunity presented itself quite quickly
when I made my decision. There are always men out there who won’t
turn down a chance for no-strings attached sex. He was a friend that
I had been casually hanging out with. Our exchange of text messages
became more and more suggestive and we made plans to have dinner. I
was deliberately more flirtatious and it gave him the clear signal
to take it farther. I chose him precisely because he was someone I
would never consider as a boyfriend. That may sound strange but I
didn’t want to get attached to a boy for the purely physical
reason that he got my virginity. With this guy, I was sure that we
would be nothing more than friends. I even asked him afterwards not
to text me anymore. There was really no need. I got what I wanted. I
got rid of this fashion accessory that I thought was becoming
obsolete.
I have to tell you though that the experience
was disappointing. That was it? That was the closely guarded secret
of all my female friends? It didn’t seem like a big deal. I
don’t regret my choice, though. I’m glad and relieved. It took a
lot of pressure off me and I feel more comfortable, less jittery
when I go out on dates. It’s over and done with.
I am still looking to having a long-term
relationship with someone I can truly care about. I did not resign
myself to not finding “The One” and thus, desperately gave away
my virginity. I don’t know if virginity will be a criterion of a
future boyfriend. Men always tend to ask questions about past
relationships so it is likely that an assumption will be made that I
am still a virgin. But I do know that any guy that I choose to be
with should value me for things other than what is between my
legs.”
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