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Third of seven parts
A sure red flag indicating that your
relationship needs some help is the feeling of being used. Example:
I remember a woman telling me that nine out of ten dates ended up
with sex. If he could not have sex, he would almost surely postpone
the date or cut it short. The woman felt used, and rightly so.
Another example concerns a wealthy young man
whose girlfriend expected a steady stream of gifts from him and,
when he did not deliver often enough, she would show her
disappointment.
Nobody likes to be used, least of all by someone
who swears he loves you. If you feel that the person you love is
using you that is an issue you need to address soonest. Perhaps that
isn’t the case but if you have a nagging feeling that he is using
you, then that still remains a problem to be tackled.
Another sign of a weakening love is unexpected
explosions. This is especially true if your partner wasn’t
behaving this way in the past. When unexpected and inexplicable
explosions occur with increasing frequency, you know that there is a
drop in the degree of love and respect. People in sound
relationships do not blow up for seemingly no reason at all.
Partners whose love for each other is diminishing however, are apt
to experience just such happenings.
Feelings of discouragement are still another
sign that all isn’t well in a relationship. True love will
necessarily have its down moments, but these times should not lead
to discouragement. Instead, they are merely bumps in the road that
are easily dealt with. They might even become building blocks to an
even deeper love. When, however, discouragement and a sense of
hopelessness set in, that is another story altogether.
Discouragement is the direct opposite of the optimism that marks
love at its very best.
Another bright red danger flag is the abuse of
drugs, alcohol and gambling. When an addiction sets in and takes
over as a priority, that surely spells trouble in any relationship.
If you are in love with an addict, you must proceed with utmost care
and never underestimate the power of an addiction to destroy a
relationship. Never commit until he deals with his addiction and
returns to a sober life. Anything less is asking for big trouble.
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If you have problems about drugs, alcohol and
behavior/attitude call my office at 8206107 or 8251771 or e-mail me
at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati
City.
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