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Fourth of seven parts
When lovers are at the height of their caring
for each other, they are constantly singing the praises of the
beloved. They defend the beloved tooth and nail. It is very
difficult to let them listen to reason if what you tell them is
critical of the one they love.
When that changes, you know there is a problem
in the relationship. When the praise turns to criticism; when it
goes so far as public criticism, then you know that is a danger
signal. Growing criticism of the beloved is a sign of dying love. It
shows a lack of respect and admiration. These are sure signs of a
shaky relationship.
When two people fall in love, they cannot get
enough of each other. They go so far as neglecting their friends and
family, just to spend time together. If the time comes that they no
longer value those moments alone together, it is a sign of a
diminishing love. Love seeks the beloved, and intense loving is
characterized by a never ending desire to seek the presence of the
beloved. Lovers want time to be alone together. They value and
deeply appreciate being with the beloved and sharing those precious
moments together. When that attitude changes, it is a danger sign
that needs to be looked into and dealt with. The extreme example of
this sort of neglect is the married man who seeks the presence of a
mistress and avoids being alone together with his wife as much as
possible.
Often this desire to avoid the beloved gives
rise to another red flag: nagging. The nagger is almost always
right. She speaks the truth and keeps repeating it over and over
again to the point where the partner cannot stand hearing it
anymore. So, he tries hard to avoid the nagger who is infuriated
and, as a result she steps up her nagging, which only gives rise to
more nagging.
When a relationship cools, effective
communications start to become less and frequent and that is another
danger sign: unspoken resentments. As anger over unresolved issues
builds up, the lack of effective communications gives rise to
resentments that remain unspoken. In time, however, as the conflict
intensifies, these resentments might rise to the surface and break
out in violent verbal fights. Even when, however, they remain
simmering beneath the surface, they still put pressure on the
relationship. Any hint of unspoken resentments should push a caring
couple to unearth them and deal with them before they get out of
hand.
To be continued
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If you have problems about drugs, alcohol and
behavior/attitude call my office at 8206107 or 8251771 or e-mail me
at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati
City.
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