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If you’re one of those Ptolemaic people who still
don’t believe global warming is happening, you deserve to be
cooked by magnified UV rays while imprisoned in an airtight aquarium
with smog being pumped in from a jeepney muffler. However,
some people have used global warming, or “g-dub” for short, as
the new scapegoat for anything and everything that goes wrong.
Maybe there’s too much hype from the media, although I feel it’s
justified. Or maybe there are just some people who try to
sound cool and trendy by talking about it but have no clue to what
it really means beyond slightly warmer temperatures.
While global warming is causing a
lot of destruction to our planet, it is not the source of all our
problems, such as when you’re riding with a friend and he
complains, “Damn, it’s so hot. It must be global
warming.” It’s probably because he needs to buy an air
conditioner for his car. Here are more myths about global
warming:
• Global warming is not an
excuse for being late to work as some employee might say, “Sorry,
I’m late. I got stuck in some heavy global warming.”
• Global warming does not cause
body odor. You really just need to use deodorant.
• If your maid asks for an
advance on her salary because of global warming, she should probably
stop watching that DVD of “An Inconvenient Truth” in your
bedroom.
• Global warming will not cause
you to dance naked on the beach with glow-in-the-dark zips.
Drugs will.
• Global warming will not give
you pimples.
• If your date drops you off at
the bus stop instead of taking you home and says it’s because
he’s limiting his carbon footprint, he’s probably not that into
you.
• Global warming will not
sterilize you.
• Global warming will not cause
you to flash your breasts in public. Again, drugs will.
• Global warming will not
affect the signal of your cable TV. Illegal cable connections
will.
• Global warming will not slow
down your Internet connection.
• Global warming will not
prevent you from receiving and replying to text messages of “where
are you?” from your spouse.
• Global warming is not
something Al Gore made up just so he can win an Oscar and a Nobel
Peace Prize.
• Chuck Norris cannot stop
global warming with a roundhouse kick.
After sharing with you these myth
busters, I hope that you remain vigilant and alarmed because the
next decade will determine if these myths eventually become true. 
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