|
Franceco* is a woman who describes herself as being a lesbian almost
all her life. Here, the very feminine 21-year-old candidly talks
about her life, being with men, and why she still prefers women.
I never liked dresses; I always preferred
wearing shorts and jeans. I guess growing up with older brothers has
something to do with that.
I first knew that I liked girls back in Grade 3.
I had a crush on my classmate—this girl who was half Chinese. To
this day, I can still remember her face and how I felt at that time.
I couldn’t stop looking at her; I was…enamored. I wrote her
letters telling her that I liked her. I was teased by my other
classmates, but I didn’t think there was anything wrong with what
I was feeling.
I had my first relationship with another girl
when I was 12. I was in Grade 5...or Grade 6. She was in 2nd year
high school. It was nothing serious; it only went on for a few
months because summer vacation came, and there was no opportunity to
see each other. I had another relationship with a woman was when I
was 14; she was a few years older than me. It was a serious enough
relationship though I had a lot of side relationships while I was
with her – I was very young then.
By then, I started to wonder why I liked other
women. My mother noticed that I acted differently towards other
women and got angry with me.
So I tried having a boyfriend. He was a lot
older than me and we were together for about 9 months. It was the
first time for me to be with a man…and it was different. I
didn’t like it. When I am with another woman, she knows what I
want, what my body wants. It’s not like that with a man. With a
woman, it’s hot.
And with women, you know their character
already. It’s easy to talk to them because we think the same way.
A man is difficult to talk to. You never know if he is lying or not.
With a woman, you just know. Girls are more sensitive, and they’re
sweeter. With guys, you know right away that he wants sex, with
girls a conversation will do. If they say that the problem with a
relationship with a man is you never know if he’s loyal or not,
with a woman, the problem is they can sometimes be too clingy.
Some guys have tried courting me. Actually, I
find that there are some men who become interested in me when they
find out that I am a lesbian. Maybe because I still dress and act
like a woman, they’re challenged. But I never really pursue that.
My family knows that I am a lesbian and have
come to accept it. They weren’t too happy about it, especially my
Mom. I don’t think that there is any mother who would actually be
happy that their daughter is a lesbian, but there’s nothing they
can do about it. This is my life.
My last serious relationship was with this woman
who was 28. She had a child, was married, but was separated by the
time we got together. We lived together and I took care of the child
for 2 years. She was very strict with me; it was like being locked
up in a box. That was when I experienced getting kicked and slapped.
I slapped her once, too, when I was at my breaking point. But I
loved her child, which is why I stayed for that long. I left when I
couldn’t take it anymore. I just wanted out.
I have gone through a lot and will still go
through a lot more. I still think of having a family. I’m still
very much a woman in that sense. I want to have children. But I only
want to be with a woman—that I am sure of.
*True identity withheld.
E-mail your comments and reactions to thesinglefiles@gmail.com
|
