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By Sydney Ang, Contributor
Guys whimper, whine, protest, beg or simply
refuse to go with you on the activity that is biologically encoded
into women’s genes: shopping. That most favorite of women past
times has thrown men into fits of rage with the end result of being
substantially poorer at the end of the ordeal.
Don’t guys shop? Of course they do—just not
for clothes, shoes or dresses. The one place where guys can spend
obscene amounts of money is the one thing that can rival their love
for a woman—their cars.
Why someone would spend so much on a set of
wheels, body kits or some goofy looking shiny doohickey is may be
beyond some woman’s understanding. I’ve been in the very
fortunate position of having worked for a jewelry company (the
ultimate women’s bling) and having my performance setup shop,
which has become a reality from my inherent love of cars.
In equivalent terms
Wheels—Undisputedly the very first
modification a guy will make to his car. You may ask, “Why do you
need a set of wheels when our car already has four of them?”
Wheels are the equivalent of shoes in the women terms. The ones that
came with your car are like the boring tsinelas, sure they get the
job done but every one else’s car has the same thing. In the world
of wheels, bigger is always better and more expensive. My friend Sam
from Concept One wheels explains it the best: “Big shiny chrome
wheels are like four Jimmy Choo stilettos—they’re expensive,
they’re not practical, you can’t go very fast with them, you
always have to be careful where you walk. But damn they look good
and you know it.” If changing wheels were as easy as changing
shoes, we’d definitely have more than one set lying in our garage.
Body kits and paint—In the same way that
you’d drop dead when another girl with the same dress walks into
the party you’re attending, changing the car’s paint and
appendages (that’s the body kit) ensures that you’re the only
one of a kind. Like dresses, it can go from mild to wild. And like
dresses, the more expensive it is doesn’t mean that it’s better.
After all, money cannot buy taste. And much like the rest of the
fashion world, what’s hot today is obsolete and bland after six
months.
Performance upgrades—These are the things you
don’t even see, whether they’re under the hood, under car or
inside the wheels. Most of them are polished to a glimmering shine
much like jewelry or come in a myriad of colors, only to be tucked
away in some part where the sun doesn’t reach it. So why spend all
this goofy stuff for something that’s hidden? It’s the same
reason why Victoria’s Secret can produce a mega bucks fashion show
every year and have Heidi Klum host it. But unlike lingerie, the
things that he adds to the engine or suspension really do give a
noticeable benefit and it’s usually in the power department. A
side benefit with these are that they make the car more fuel
efficient.
Interior—This should be pretty easy. This is
where your guy’s interior decorating and homemaker skills make
themselves present. Albeit our color palette is limited to a few
select colors namely red, blue, grey and black, his obsessive need
to have him color coordinate his seats, steering wheel, pedals,
shift knob, seat belts rivals your own obsessive need to color
coordinate your shoes, bags, watch, belt and dress.
Car audio—We all watch TV and listen to music,
right? It’s just that some of us take that to the very extreme.
Much like a home theater system, sky’s the limit on this one. And
with everything male, more is better. Which means more speakers,
more screens, more buttons, more gadgets. Guys are actually very
finicky when it comes to audio and sound quality, you may not notice
nor need to hear every laser blast in Starwars, but that is the kind
of clarity that a good audio and video setup achieves. You will
however hear every word, breath, gasp and sigh if you managed to
stick that Sex and the City DVD and actually get to play it, in full
surround sound.
So what’s the point of all this? Are they
trying to make up for a lack of something? Is it to impress and
pickup chicks? Not really. In much the same way that you don’t
really need 50 pairs of shoes, 20 hand bags, 10 slippers of
different colors and gazillions of clothes which you only wear a
maximum of twice, its just simply guys being guys. Besides, get
real; guys won’t even notice your white Blahnik pumps, your $700
Coach bag or even your alligator skin Prada belt. But when that
hussy who just passed you by does a double take on you and checks
out what you’re wearing, its pretty obvious who you are really
trying to impress.
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