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It has been said that when America sneezes, the world catches a
cold. The inconceivable had already occurred with the collapse of
the strongest financial institutions. Of course, this predicament
causes more problems not only in the Unites States, but it is also
affecting other world markets. This economic depression does not
only translate to loss of livelihood, but it may also mean defeat
for many who aspire to achieve the American dream.
This is only one of the many things that leave
America under the weather. There are many other issues such as
foreign policy and national security and other fancy tags to various
ailments. Many have talked about these economic problems and how
they can be best dealt with, but then a challenge as large as this
can’t possibly be magicked away with a wand. Every waking day,
many people will walk through the realities of this, not having a
choice but to acclimatize to it until it lifts. I do not really
pretend to understand everything about this problem, but I do know
that indirectly, even our lives get affected. So, if the most
seasoned statesmen, policy-makers and collared pretenders cannot do
anything about these problems, what can a perplexed columnist from a
third-world country propose?
I always tune in to the Presidential debates and
I am always eager to hear about the presidential candidates’
answers when it comes to the economic setbacks the United States is
experiencing. So, this brings me to the conclusion that . . .
The solution to most of America’s woes lies in
drinking a PAIN reliever. When we say PAIN, what should come into
your minds Palin-McCain! I am all for these two for they always seem
to know what they are talking about, as witnessed in their
interviews and debates. They keep me glued like flies to feces.
Okay, I may not be concrete yet and I seem to be
beating around the Bush. To win my case, I will explain why I am all
for the PAIN relievers from the Republican Party. Allow me to
translate everything in simple, understandable words, or what they
call, in Lehman’s terms:
1. Succor Mom—This is such a unique,
sophisticated label! Imagine, having a VP that is not only pretty,
but also spontaneous and feisty! Succor clearly means a mother of
aid and assistance. So I am certain that she is the right one for
the job! Also, she is just too cute every time she winks and says
“you betcha.” But then again, maybe I heard wrong. Maybe her
self-proclaimed title wasn’t “Succor Mom,” not even “soccer
mom!” Because lately, she is turning more than just a hip, helpful
lady. She is turning into a Shocker Mom—the kind that pesters you
with how she disgraces empowered women. Her antics may win her tons
of erection among mindless men, but hopefully not in the election!
2. McCain—I listened to the Presidential
debate on Wednesday and I totally cheered for my hero John McCain!
He mentioned something insightful that went something like, ‘a man
must learn to speak with a calm voice, but must walk with a cane.’
I truly commend him for walking the talk, because not only does he
seem to walk with a cane, this very word is also reflected in his
name! Senator McCain is quite old and totally bent over with nothing
but memoirs of wars past, brandishing irrelevant views that do not
seem to truly address the realities at hand. Now that is what you
call a McCain in the neck!
3. Alaska (door)—another term pertaining to
Palin; you have to hand it to her; she deserves to win the crown of
Missus America! Her response during interviews always elicits a
standing ovation! I agree with her—the state of Alaska is near
Russia and so she must easily be able to walk from Alaska, climb the
fence and be in Russia and know everything she has to know! She has
proven time and again that she is a woman who has it all—except a
clue!
So remember that if you want some relief from
your everyday aches and pains, then PAIN Relievers that come in
Repackaged Public Cans is what you should buy! Ailin’ Palin and
Mockin’ McCain is for you! But remember that PAIN relievers only
make your mind forget the pain, but it’s been tried and tested; it
cannot heal the root.
Before buying, here’s another thing to
remember: a side effect of these PAIN Relievers making your skin
turn into grime just like what they are trying to throw at Barack
Obama. Don’t they notice that Barack is already black? All the
mudslinging is useless.
apotheosis.multiply.com/ marylaine_viernes@manilatimes.net
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