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PEOPLE
By Bob Garon
What love is
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The problem with love is that everybody uses the same word to
describe very different things. There are more definitions of love
than there are grains of sand. And even if two persons agree on a
definition, they disagree about the application of that definition.
People think they are of one mind when they are
in love. Things are working out for them. They are soaring on cloud
nine. They feel that their love is invincible. Nothing stands in the
way of complete happiness. That is what they think, until problems
begin to surface. Confusion sets in. What happened to that
invincible love? Why is it that cloud nine suddenly turns into a
dark storm cloud? The whole situation seems unreal. Were they fooled
by their love? Was it ever real and true?
Sure it was real. And surely if it was sincere,
it was true. The problems of love are not about love itself, but our
expectations of it. If you look closely at relationships, you will
see that they get into trouble when expectations remain unfulfilled.
I expect you to love me this way and you love me
that way. I expect you to greet me at the door when I come home and
you stay glued to the TV when I arrive. I’m hurt and disappointed.
You expect me to spend less time with my friends, but I cannot
understand why you are trying to keep me from them. After all,
they’re my drinking buddies and you don’t drink.
As always, unhappiness in love relationships are
caused by unfulfilled expectations that stem from divergent
behaviors, attitudes and values. People who have similar values and
whose attitudes compliment each other find it easier to get along.
Their love is more secure because their expectations are in line
with each other and there are less conflicts.
If people were more careful about getting into
serious relationships, they would be more successful at loving. A
major problem is feelings that get in the way of good judgment. When
all sorts of feelings get mixed up with the thinking process, they
often cause one’s head to spin. Good decision making them becomes
more difficult.
Love can be generated quickly when two hearts
begin to beat as one. But it can die just as quickly when the
heartbeats get out of synch.
If you have problems about drugs, alcohol and
behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or 825-1771 or e-mail
me at gvcbuenca@vasia.com or write me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati
City.
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