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One of the great myths of love is that solid and deep
love is constant. When love is on the right track, when it is good,
we believe that it must be constant.
Yet, there are times when we
catch ourselves feeling that our love is falling—times when we
actually feel a downswing in our love. We get surprised and think
that there must be something wrong. We feel bad, ashamed even to
admit it.
We have our moments of boredom
when we wonder why, if our love is strong, should we be feeling this
way. Isn’t it that meaningful love should be exciting and
uplifting?
But why is it that there are
times when we feel so much anger at our beloved? Should not love
protect us from such feelings? Should it not keep out anger if it is
true?
Why is it that we have our
moments when we feel empty, lonely even despite the knowledge that
our love is good and so very beneficial?
The truth is that we are a bundle
of feelings—all sorts of feelings. And they come upon us
unannounced and often in a fury. They might even be unwanted and
despite our best efforts they linger on and on.
The truth is that love is of its
very nature not permanent. It is something we need to keep working
at if it is to survive. Too many of us believe that once deep love
becomes a part of us, it won’t ever die. When love is working
well, when it is thriving, it takes on a super human quality. It
feels invincible. As if nothing and nobody can take it down. This is
why we can get quietly shaken up when it does not feel like it used
to feel. When it seems to be falling.
There is often quiet panic in the
heart of a spouse or lover when this happens. Not to worry. Love is
so very much about feelings and feelings are transitory. They keep
changing despite our best efforts to keep them steady. We can
control them, but we cannot easily drive them off.
This is when commitment comes
riding in to save the day. It isn’t (or shouldn’t be) feelings
that bind us as lovers. It is commitment. Thank God for that. If we
relied on our feelings, we would be on a perpetual roller coaster.
Up and down and around and upside down would we go. It is commitment
that stands in the midst of a hail of feelings and keeps the
relationship steady and on an even keel even in the most violent
storm.
We need to expect fluctuations on
the feeling level but not be bothered by them very much as long as
our commitment remains steady and strong. We must not panic when the
feelings of love have their low moments, their times of crisis.
It is commitment that counts. It
is commitment that will see us through the toughest times. It is
commitment that will keep us true when our feelings threaten our
love.
If you have problems about
drugs, alcohol and behavior/attitude call my office at 820-6107 or
82-51771 or e-mail me at goldenvalues_school@yahoo.com.ph or write
me at P.O. Box 2099 MCPO, Makati City.
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